Do YOU know who Ron Paul is?

If not, apparently there's a way to explain that.

Good morning

And Aaron loves me anyway.

Last Tuesday night, Linda let him eat by himself! So Wednesday morning, he ate (some of his) oatmeal like a big boy.

I remember toting Joseph around the house like this when he was young. Boy, do these things come in handy between 4:00 and 7:00. That's Prime Time around here.

This is Emma's 8 Week photo - yes, that was last Wednesday. You'll get another one in a few days!

Happy Birthday, Karina!

My sweet, adorable, delightful niece is turning 6 years old today! What a special day! We love you and miss you very much Karina. We hope to see you soon.

Love,

Uncle Aaron, Aunt Kelly, Joseph and Emma

This is why I don't give up...

Wait. That's not true...Even cute faces and sweet smiles aren't enough sometimes. Emotions wane; they come...and then they go. You get sick; they disobey; you get frustrated; they make you cry. Warm fuzzies are nowhere to be found.

This is the reason I won't give up:

"O my people, hear my teaching; listen to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in parables, I will utter hidden things, things from of old- what we have heard and known, what our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done. He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands. " Psalm 78

Even when the benefits of what I am doing can't be seen, I can think about the hard questions and come up with an answer that satisfies me. I can look at reality and not be afraid. I don't have to avoid thinking about the meaning of my life; I don't have to distract myself from the redundancy of motherhood. On a good day, looking at my children may sometimes give me the answer; on a hard day, talking to my husband may also. But today, that doesn't help. All I have is God's Word. And the history of His doings to calm my faint heart. I can trust what He says, and I can persevere. I can get through today and still honor Him; and tomorrow (well...maybe the next day) I will enjoy the bounty of a good life.

7 Weeks

On Wednesday, Emma was 7 weeks old. She celebrated by beginning a growth spurt of nursing every 2 hours during the day and every 3 at night. Mama was tired from all the nursing and Emma was tired from less sleep. Also, her congestion got thicker and made it harder to breathe. We're going to the doctor today just to see if she's got an infection or what not. I'll bet someone out there $5 that I walk away with a prescription for antibiotics. Tami came over earlier with all sorts of all natural goodies to give me to help Emma. I hope it works out well. The best part is that we get to weigh her at the doctor's office. I'm curious to see if she's gained at all. I'll report back later.

Below is Joseph at 8 weeks. Do you see any resemblance?

Emma's Feeding Log

Saturday night, January 12
-1o:oopm woke to eat, fussy, projetile vomit. Up and fussy until 1:00; we let her cry, but haveno idea how long b/c we fell asleep

Sunday, January 13
-9:30am: Woke to eat. Went to church, fell asleep on Aaron's shoulder for entire service!
-12:30pm: Woke to eat. Dozed in and out until 2:oopm. Cried.
-2:00pm: Ate. Put on couch. Dozed - did not sleep well.
-4:30pm: Ate. Bit unsettled. Held by Aaron and dozed but did not sleep well.
-6:30pm: Ate. Calm and sleepy. Put down in bassinet. Fussed 1 minute. To sleep!
-10:45pm: Ate (woke with a bit of help). Calm and right back to sleep!
-3:00am: Woke to eat. Unsettled, hard to latch on. Awake with Aaron, but mostly calm.
-5:30am: Ate again. Put on couch and cried to sleep. Not sure how long (a few minutes?)

Monday, January 14
-8:30am: Woke to eat. Fidgety. Hard to settle, tired.. 9:50 put in bassinet. Cried. Calmed. Put back down. Slept/quiet for 20 minutes. She's now screaming her head off at 10:30. Going to get her.
-10:30am: Ate. Drat, I don't remember yesterday! I know she was fussy and never truly napped. Seemed unsettled all day. Oh, and please note that I ate milk (at least 12 oz) with breakfast Sunday morning and Monday morning (both days were fussy, unsettled and only catnapping).
-5:00pm: Tried to feed her, too tired, screaming. We went to chiropractor. YAY! Came back. Fell asleep at 6:00pm. Put her in bassinet.
-10:00pm: Woke to eat. Put in bassinet at 10:30 pm.
-12:45am: Woke to eat. Unsettled. Fussed at left side. Finally put her in bassinet at 1:20. Fussed. Picked up. Put her back down. Fussed to sleep by 1:30am.
-5:20am: Woke to eat. Fussed again at left side. Cried. Spit up. Pur her on couch at 5:45am to fuss to sleep.

Tuesday, January 15
-9:00am: Woke to eat. Fussed at left side again. Spitting up a lot. Fussy, uncomfortable. Gave her a bath. Calmed down. Tried to massage her, started screaming. After bath, tried to calm her by holding her and patting, shhing, rocking. Still upset. Put her in bassinet at 10:10am. Fussed and fell asleep by 10:30 am! She slept very well!
-1:30pm: Woke to eat! Ate, got tired, fussed on my shoulder, began crying. Swing didn't help. Began SCREAMING. Gave her mylicon and in 2 minutes fell right asleep. at 2:30pm
-5:30pm: Woke her up to eat. Fussy. Still fussing at left side. Went to chiropractor then McIntyre's. Never went to sleep.
-8:45pm: Fed her again. She was overtired. Aaron was able to rock her to sleep by 10:30pm. She was SUPER congested. Did not sleep well. I woke up at 12:45am hearing her breathing. I was worried she might choke or suffocate or something on her mucus.
-2:30am: She finally woke to eat. Ate well, fell asleep in my arms. Put back down in bassinet. Fussed about 10 minutes. Went to sleep. Still VERY congested and having trouble breathing.
-5:30am: Woke to eat again. Ate, fell asleep in arms, breathing better upright. Around 6:30am I finally laid her down next to me. never fully went to sleep b/c of her congestion.

Wednesday, January 16
-8:00am: Ate. Not as fussy at left side. Still very congested. Calm though. Started fussing at 8:50 and fell asleep on my shoulder (!) with patting and shhing at9:00. Woke up again at 10:00 crying! I'm going to check for a BM - how long has it been?? Well, she fell back asleep before I could pick her up. Nevermind, she's crying again.
-10:30am: Ate again for almost 30 minutes (going through a growth spurt? We'll see...) Getting sleepy and fussy at 11:00, fell asleep at 11:30am.
-1:30pm: woke to eat
-3:00ish woke to eat never went to sleep
-5:00: ate again
-7:30: Ate again. Cat napped.
-9:30: Ate again. Fell asleep around 11:00
-12:45am: Woke to eat. Went back to sleep pretty easily.
-3:00am: Woke to eat. Same as above.
-5:00am: Woke to eat. Umm...definitely a growth spurt. Her congestion is awful, though. GEtting thicker.

Thursday, January 17
-7:00am: Woke to eat. Back to sleep at 7:30
-9:45: I WOKE HER. Don't even try to do this night/day mixup again, Emma! Catnapped while we ran errands. Yes, we RAN ERRANDS. Together - all three of us. It was incredibly awkward. I think about 5 people helped me at the post office.
-12:30: Ate again. Difficulty getting to sleep. Just when I was drifting off myself...
-2:30pm: Woke to eat. VERY fussy. Could not fall asleep. Around 4:00 I gave her mylicon and she's out. What did I eat that made her gassy? I had oatmeal for breakfast with ham; some porkchop and rice for snack; chicken with spinach, tomato and mozarella for lunch.
-Don't remember what happened the rest of the day. We forgot to go to chiropractor. It was an okay evening. But the mucus got so thick we were worried. She and Aaron slept in the den with teh heater and humidifer. She ate at 12:30am and 4:00.

Friday, January 18
-7:00am: Ate. Catnapped.
-10:30am: Woke to eat. Had very good BM! Fell asleep on couch around 11:30am.
-1:30pm: I woke her up to go to doctor. Had another good BM (mucusy). Sorry for too much information. Ate around 2:00 at the doctor's office. Doctor says she had a bad cold, but had not reached her lungs or ears. Catnapped.
-3:30pm: Ate again. Fell asleep on couch at 4:30pm. Woke again soon after
-5:30pm: Ate again. Catnapped.
-7:30pm: Ate again. Catnapped.
-9:30pm: Ate again. Fussy. Lost it! Didn't want to nurse. Got home from Tami's and Kelly calmed her down. Put her in her bassinet at 11:00. Calmed right down!! THIS WAS HER BEST NIGHT EVER!!! She slept, didn't even move!, until 5:30am!!!!!
-5:30am: Woke to eat. Only let her eat one side so she didn't vomit it up later b/c of full tummy.

Saturday, January 19
-7:30am: Woke to eat. Was awake for 50minutes, gave a yawn, then fussed and was rocked to sleep. She's stretching her awake time more and more. Took her a while to settle down on the couch. Woke up at 10:30.
-10:30am: Ate. Put in carseat to get milk at 11:30. Fell asleep after crying about 15 minutes in car. Slept very well!
-2:00pm: Woke to eat. Sleepy by 2:50. Put in bassinet and asleep by 3:20.
-4:15pm: Woke to eat. Fussy. Could not sleep. I held her and she catnapped on shoulder.
I know she ate again between then and 7:00, but not sure when. I had two bowls of cereal (I know!) around 4:30pm.
-7:00pm: Ate again. GEtting increasingly fussy and gassy. Put on couch at 7:45 pm. Fell asleep.
-8:30pm: I woke HER up (wanted her to be awake awhile before going to bed. An experiment) Fed her. VERY FUSSY. I think the milk I drank is affecting her. She also had a GREAT bm.! :)
-10:00pm: Fed her one last time before bed. 10:30pm put down in bassinet, fussed, cried. Finally fell into fitful sleep by 11:00. Did not sleep as well. Whined, tossed, turned. But she DID sleep.
-5:00am: Woke to eat. Would not settle back down. Aaron finally got her to sleep around 6:00.

Sunday, January 2o
-7:30am: Woke to eat. Catnapped until 10:00am
-10:30am: Ate again. slept until 12:30pm.
-12:30pm: Ate again. Slept fitfully in careseat.
-2:30pm : Ate again. Fussy, unsettled. Catnapped.
-4:30pm: I think I fed her? VERY FUSSY. Maybe catnapped?
-6:30pm: Fed her again. Still fussy. Aaron's holding her so she's better.
-8:30pm: Fed her.
-10:00pm: Fed her. Put her to bed in bassinet. Fussed a while. Went to sleep.
-4:50am: ate. SHE SLEPT AGAIN! 3 nights in a row. (I need to think about this now. She's forming a pattern of not eating for over 7 hours. I like the sleeping. But I'd like her to wake up around 2 or 3. THEN sleep until 7:00.) She woke around 7:00 but dozed until 8:00

Monday, January 21
-8:00am: Ate. Took her time. Was very congested, but it all came out with suction. Getting better, I think! Put her in carseat around 9:00. CRIED. Then looked around. Then fell asleep. But woke up and grunted and then cried around 10:00, fell back asleep.
-11:00: Woke to eat. Catnapped? Don't remember.
-1:30: ate again. tried to lay her down for a nap next to me, cried. (is that hard to sleep next to mama?! Joseph won't either) Finally fell asleep at 3:00.
-4:00: Ate again. Fussy. :( Fell asleep on couch crying. :(
-6:00: Woke to eat. Same as above.
-7:30pm: Woke up. Changed diaper. Etc. Fell asleep on shoulder around 8:15. Tried to put her in bassinet in our room (for the night) around 8:50. Became seriously fussy. Crying inconsolably. Drat. Aaron has her right now. We gave her Mylicon.
-9:00: Fed her one last tie and let her cry. :( FInally fell asleep around 10:00.
-Woke HER up at 3:00, sleepy, but had a full feed! Slept soundly until...

Tuesday, January 22
-7:45am: Ate. Napped from 9-10
-10:00: Ate again. Napped from 10:45-12 Good BM!
-12:00: Ate. Napped from 1-2
-2:00 Ate
-4:00 Ate Napped from 5:00-6
-6:00: Ate. DIdn't really sleep. LOST IT!
-8:30: Fed her again. Put her to sleep calmly in bassinet around 9:30 YES!!!
-Woke her at 1:30 to eat.
-4:45: SHE woke up to eat

Wednesday, January 23
-7:30: Ate. Catnapped in swing until 10:00
-10:00: Ate. Put her on floor on blankets. Slept until 11:00. Is now fussing. :)
-Don't remember. She had a very good nap from 12:15 - 3:00. Fussy all afternoon. Ate every 2 hours until 8:00. She seemed really sleepy, so I fed her at 8:00 and put her to sleep. Straight to sleep in bassinett. Followed her same pattern (wake after 6 hours), only earlier! Experiment failed.
-2:00: Woke to eat.

Wednesday, January 24
-5:30: Woke to eat and up for the day. Smiling at me. :) Back to sleep by 6:15.
-8:45: Woke to eat. Back in carseat around 9:30. Fussed during nap - maybe b/c brother was also fussing during HIS naptime?
-11:30: Ate. Fussed on and off - oops! B/c of really wet diaper.
-1:30: Fed her again after diaper change. Asleep by 2:00. SLEPT WELL!
-4:00: Woke to eat. Automatically began fussing (even during nursing). Definitely a pattern now. Fussy rest of afternoon.
-5:30: Ate. Catnapped on couch until 6:00. Her wonderful Daddy is patting and rocking her now while I type this all down. BM!
-8:00: Fed her again. WEnt to the library! :)
-10:00: Fed her again. Put her in bassinet. Fussy. Not sure why? Overtired? Cried. Comforted her. Cried more. Comforted her. Cried for 10min. and fell asleep.
-5:00: Woke up by herself to eat. That's 7 hours! Need to fix this - too long.

Friday, January 25
-8:15: Woke to eat. Calm, happy. On floor looking around for 20minutes! Around 9:15, got fussy, nursed her, still fussy, put her on loveseat, fussed 10 minutes, fell asleep.

Do you remember a picture of Joseph similar to this? I caught him studying his hand when he was 6 weeks old, too! I've noticed that she's also gotten more active/mobile the last week. Before then, she never really moved when we lay her down, but now she's almost wiggled her off the couch! And earlier I put her on a blanket on the floor, turned around, and found her perpendicular to where I left her.

Friday night, Aaron came home a bit early. Emma was resting, and Aaron, Joseph and I hung out in the living room listening to music, playing and talking. I hope we have more evenings like that one...

He's "Daddy's Helper".

And she slept...

You've read about Emma's great evening after going to the chiropractor on Wednesday, and how Thursday during the day wasn't as great.


We went to see Dr. Sparks again Thursday evening. That evening wasn't enjoyable. She slept from 7:00-until 9:30, and didn't go back to sleep again until after 2:30am. She was miserable - and so were we. She seemed especially gassy, and hadn't had a BM (still hasn't!). She slept late Friday morning and had a pretty rough day.

The chiropractor's office is closed on Fridays, so that was disappointing. But things began looking up. She was very fussy during the day, and lately she's been especially fussy waking up from her afternoon nap around 3:00ish. But she ate around 6:00 and fell asleep around 8:00, sleeping soundly until 11:00. She ate again and was asleep by midnight. Last night, she slept from midnight until 7:00 this morning! Aaron and I were elated.

Unfortunately, she was so hungry that she ate too much and threw it all back up (thankfully on teh kitchen floor!). Oh well. You can't win them all.

Here's how the rest of the day went:
9:00am : Ate again, fell asleep. Slept through the entirety of her baby shower!
12:30pm: Ate. Fussed. Fell asleep by 2:00. did not sleep well
3:30pm: Ate. Fussed. Put in wrap, fell asleep.
5:30pm: Fussing! Ate again. Put her in her bassinet in our room at 6:00. She began crying loudly. I comforted her, put her down again. This time she slept! Probably around 7:00.

She's still asleep. We'll see if we have a calm night. It's okay if we don't - we're definitely seeing progress. Have you ever heard that parenting is about the Day of Small Things? I need to be pondering that...

(Nb: You might not care about reading the details of Emma's eating and sleeping. That's okay. I know that even if you did care, it gets tiring reading the same ol' thing with different times. That's okay, too. I'm logging this for me to look back on. If you're only here to look at pictures of adorable children, stay tuned: they're coming soon...)

Before I forget...

Remember, the last 6 weeks have seemed like one loooong day to me. So it's easy to forget what happened any given day, night, moment or whatever.

I began keeping a journal of Emma's behavior just before Tami stopped by the Thursday before Christmas. So I have the First Good Night documented. When Tami was holding Emma what she really must have been doing is laying hands on her, because that was the first night Emma slept, ate, and went right back to sleep - ever. She went to sleep around midnight and slept next to me in bed. She woke up at 1:30 and nursed while I was lying down. She actually drifted off to sleep. She awoke again at 4:30 and, with a bit more help, went to sleep. I think the morning began around 7:00 am. It was blissful. Maybe not much sleep, but a peaceful baby is a blessing.

Well, we've made progress since then in the stretches of sleep, but not in getting there. It's awfully hard for Emma to go to sleep. She gets easily worked up and is hard to settle down.

So, Tami stopped by again (bless her) Tuesday night. We talked about Emma's behavior (extreme fussiness at night, hiccups following every feeding, gassiness, discomfort, difficulty in falling asleep, difficulty in nursing on the left side). She thought it might be worth it to take Emma to see our chiropractor, Dr. Sparks, especially considering she didn't get that first check-up that Joseph had the week after he was born. She must have done the laying on of hands again, because we had our Second Good Night! I've already forgotten the details (it was two nights ago!), but I remember she woke, ate, drifted off to sleep, was put back down on the love seat (yes, she mostly sleeps on the couch, wedged into the corner of all places), and slept. It was wonderful.

Yesterday (Wednesday) during the day did not follow suit. She was irritable, very fussy (she's usually calmer in the daytime), and wanted to nurse constantly. By the afternoon, though, she wouldn't even nurse, she just screamed. She finally had a BM and calmed a bit, but Aaron came home early it was so stressful (my hero). So I took her to see Dr. Sparks last night around 6:00 pm. He very honestly said that fussing in babies could be caused by a million and one things, so he might not be able to help. But when he looked at her, he found a pinched nerve in the middle of her upper back, and a bit in her neck (just where Tami felt tightness the night before). He asked me to have her nurse in a normal cradle hold on the left side, because many time babies will correct the problem themselves. (I guess he thinks that her difficulty in latching on/nursing on the left side has something to do with her pinched nerve. Makes sense! I couldn't figure out why she wouldn't relax and turn her head.) He said he wants to see her today again, to see if it helps (if not, he'll help me figure out Step 2), but added that in his experience girls are much fussier than boys. Don't I know?

Maybe it had nothing to do with Dr. Sparks adjusting her back, but Aaron and I noticed a marked difference in her behavior last night. She did not get the hiccups one time (and hasn't); she didn't fuss when she nursed on the left side (although she still had a harder time), she did not cry once going to sleep last night and (here's the best part!) she slept! She nursed around 9:30 and after being rocked by Daddy, fell asleep around 10:30. She woke again around 3:30, ate, relaxed, was rocked by Daddy (she was beginning to get a bit frustrated with me) and went to sleep again by 4:30. We began our morning at 7:30 when she awoke again. Read it again! 9:30, 3:30, 7:30! Aaron and I slept! But, even better, Emma was calm and relaxed. God gives very good gifts.

She's been fussier this morning, but still without fussing on the left side and also without hiccups. I am almost positive Emma needed that adjustment. I know many people are skeptical of chiropractic care (I was). But after my own experiences with headaches being cured and awesome pregnancies, and now this change of behavior in Emma, I'm a believer. But, as he said, it could be any number of things causing her behavior, and this change could be a coincidence. We go back again today. Time will tell.

Oh, and I know this post is unnecessarily long and detailed and redundant; and full of goofy, cheesy optimism and excitement. But I'm a postpartum, sleep-deprived, first-time-Second Mom. I've got my rights, you know.

I leave him alone for 5 minutes... :)

Juggling isn't just for clowns

Before my juggling brain forgets, here are the pictures you've all been waiting for. Mom, hopefully this cheers you up a bit (maybe cheers the pneumonia right out of you!). :)

I have a picture of Aaron and Joseph that looks just like this.


Who do you think bought this for Emma?

Joseph LOVES his little sister. We just have to make sure he doesn't bang on her head with his toys.

Emma and sleep: not a combination that comes easily 'round here. But it's beautiful, isn't it?

The one family picture we've managed.


She looks like Joseph here (to me, at least). See entry "Seven Weeks" in the Archives, under September 2006.

So, my son is simply adorable. Too bad this pjs are too small now!

This is the "So you want to marry my daughter?" look.

Emma loves sticking out her tongue. And lately, she does it when she smiles. :)

My children love their Daddy.

The All Terrain Wagon. Joseph's Christmas present from Meme and Papa. He couldn't get enough of it. And I smile to think about all the adventures he'll have with it years to come.

If you don't already know, I have a hard time letting Joseph get messy at meal-times. He doesn't feed himself, the mouth gets wiped after nearly every bite, and most crumbs and falling pieces get picked up. This has seriously been neglected the last 6 weeks: the floor is a mess, his shirt (I hate to admit!) sometimes becomes a napkin, and all of a sudden many foods are now finger-foods. Here's a picture from dinner last night: spaghetti.

Emma will be 6 weeks old tomorrow. I wish I could remember all the cute little updates I want to write down, like I did with Joseph. But you'll notice in the archives that Joseph was sleeping 12 hours by this time in his life; Emma, on the other hand, sleeps maybe 4, and that's with lots of crying toboot. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, because in hindsight I'd wished that Joseph hadn't slept so much as a tiny baby. But in my life the pendulum always swings in the opposite direction, and so that's Emma. My sweet Emma. :)

I'm sleep deprived and a tad unstable. When you combine that with the fact that Aaron is also, we've got a household on the brink. God is good, though, even now! We still love our children, and we spend our free time making up the ways we see "improvement" (to keep us going, you know). So, I don't remember off the top of my foggy head all the wonderful, amazing things Emma is doing. But I'll try to tell you about a few:

-She smiles! Really and truly. She smiles these delightful, bright, huge smiles. She is going to be an all-or-nothing person, I believe. I'll say she's passionate. Because when my little girl is upset, the world stops spinning; but when I've fed her, and she has that 15 minute span of time when she's content, she's all smiles. Even when she's not smiling, she looks amused and happy. God's world is full of mystery and fun and delight, and she sees it - those 15 minutes, at least.

-I think she's close to 11 pounds. I don't know. We'll weigh her at the McIntyre's tonight. I've had more nursing issues than I had with Joseph (still do), but her weight isn't a worry to me. I guess because I've already gone through it? She's already filling out her 0-3 months clothing, so soon it'll be time to bump up!

-Typical ("typical"! haha!) day with Emma: Wake up in the morning anywhere from 6-8 am. Eat 5-7 minutes. Get diaper change, new clothes, be happy. Maybe swing if brother needs to eat breakfast. Eat another 5-7 minutes on other side. Start getting fussy, cry, cry, cry. I'm sooooooooo tired. Mama helps me get to sleep, but I just can't sleep. Cry, cry, cry. I'm asleep. I sleep really well once I get to sleep. So, I usually sleep until 10 or 12. Repeat above. Then I wake up around 2-4. Repeat above. Wake up around 6 or 7. Then comes that dark time. Night time. I hate it. Sometimes I'll sleep in the evening until 9 or 10, but most times I won't. I just can't seem to get comfortable. And then I start crying and crying. Or fussing and fussing. If Daddy has me I'll calm down because I love the way he holds me and the way he smells. If Mama has me I get mad because she smells like milk. I'm not hungry, but it still makes me mad. It's an irrational frustration, I know. Maybe I'll wind down around midnight, but this week I can't get to sleep! I stayed up until 4:00 last Saturday night, and last night until 2:30. I might sleep 4 hours (Mama and Daddy love that!); I even slept 6 hours two times! I'm trying really hard to sleep more for Mama and Daddy because I know they like to do that.

And in other family news:

-The chickens are no more. With winter hitting and it getting dark so early, Aaron gets home and has to work outside in the dark every evening. Add to that the fact that winter means wet and our yard drains poorly, and you get a big disgusting chicken mess that never goes away. And since Emma has come, she has required so much more of our attention (and sleep time). All in all, it was time to let them go. We took them to a new home on Sunday, where I'm sure they'll be happy. I can buy my eggs from this lady for $3 a dozen. It seems like so much money when we just had to go outside and get them ourselves! But, considering that we were paying $10/month in feed and the inconvenience factor, it probably evens out.

-Joseph and I are about to conflict in a big way. Emma coming has taken a big toll on him. It's hard not having Mama at his beck and call like he was used to. I think he even may be wondering if he took for granted me being there. He is constantly asking to be "up" or "bup" with me, and is constantly acting out and testing how diligent I'll be with my standards of him. Well, the answer is - not very. I don't stop nursing to carry out a "no"; I don't get off the couch when he smiles and touches something I just told him not to; I don't go police him when he's whining and screaming at me from the playpen. But, just as sadly, I don't get to hold him as much as I did, or talk to him, or smile at him. So, I'm trying to make time for both.

The conflict comes with the whining. It's worse than all those times I blogged about him hitting a whiny spell that needed taken care of. This is Bad. The Worst. Terrible. It's likely it only feels this bad because I'm sleep-deprived and physically exhausted. But still. So, I'm thinking about how to handle this with a newborn. At least time is on my side: eventually Emma will calm down and get into her own rhythm, which will help the situation all around.

-Joseph is also amazing. If he's gotten worse at testing me, he's gotten better at loving me. He pats me on the back, lets me snuggle with him, smiles more at me, laughs with me, and shares jokes with me. He is forever looking out the windows at the tree debris and saying "Uh oh! Tree fall down!". Hilarious! His first real phrase is "tree fall down"! He is going to be a sensitive guy and a helping guy - sound like anyone around here? ;) He will pick up blankets and put them on Emma, or come and give me a hug, or pat Emma on the head, or give her a kiss, or take a diaper to the trash can for me. This is all mixed in with the extreme whining and testing, so it's often hard for me to appreciate all the wonderful things happening in his heart, but they are. Because God is faithful and has said that the promises given to me and to Aaron are for Joseph, too, and for Emma. And we can trust that His desire is to conform Joseph to the glorious image of His Son.

That's all for now. I'm sure there's something else I need to be doing... Signing off for now. :)