Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Winter takes us inward

I'm bad. I've been looking at houses. Again.

At first I thought, I'll look at land around here. Then I became nostalgic, and looked for homes in Norman. Then homes with land in Norman. Then Broken Arrow. It's never a good idea for me to do this. But I do.

If I knew with all of my heart exactly where I wanted to be, I don't think it would be a negative thing to do (or, as negative). But I don't know where I want to be. I don't like the idea of any of these places, really. Will I ever like ANY place? Or is it some unreal idea I want?

I do know I want to love my life. And that can happen right now. If I break habits and get productive. If I get off the comoputer. If I drink more water. If I hold my tongue and smile more. Talk about a "day of small things"....an entirely different life lies in wait for me. And it's made up of seemingly small decisions which are not nearly as attractive or magnificent as the life I want.

I loathe irony.

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