Lay Down Your Weapons

Last night I listened to Aaron read a chapter from "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe" to the kids at bedtime, and I was struck when he read: "Lucy and Susan held their breaths waiting for Aslan’s roar and his spring upon his enemies. But it never came."

I used to muse on the humility of Christ in letting all those terrible things happen to him for our sake.  But now it feels tied to me, to all the interactions I have each day with others.

Back in 2009, I heard a phrase in a short video by Dan Allender on the topic of learning to fight well in marriage.  Right off the bat, the most interesting bit is that he didn't call us not to fight.  You have to fight to go deeper into relationship.  You have to lean into conflict, but you do that by laying down your weapons.  That's the phrase that feels seared into my brain and pops up when I'm tempted to bulldoze others: "lay down your weapons".

That was probably the beginning of my bent toward pacifism.  I began to wonder, how could we Americans justify imperialism and wars and force-feeding "democracy" around the world?  Love doesn't force itself. Ever.

Then I started facing the reality that when I fought with people - when I disagreed or was confronted - I always armed myself. I would prepare to do battle with what I had available: words, logic, rhetoric, quick-thinking and knowledge.  Other people have wit, sarcasm, physical strength, guilt manipulation, withdrawal of affection, anger.

The object was to win, not to love.  My priest says that in "every interaction your objective is to love the other person".  I've learned that hardly ever means enlightening them by force of an argument. The forcing of ourselves upon others is not love, it is conquering.  And it serves only ourselves and our ego; it numbs our pain, it displaces our anger and momentarily quiets our fears.

So I'm trying to be an intellectual pacifist when I feel my heart snarl or gasp at something someone has done to me, or has said that stings.  I want to be like Aslan, and save my roar for the protection of others, not myself.  The great deception happens when I believe I'm protecting others when really I'm doing battle for my own self.  When my ego cannot handle being spoken to in a condescending tone, or when someone has been harsh with their response, or refused to engage with me on any sensible level.

This doesn't mean I do not have boundaries, and it doesn't mean I will not protect others.  But I believe that weapons should only be used as a last resort for the sake of loving others.  What is that fine line of protecting others with some necessary "casualties", and losing the good attempted due to a lack of concern for the harm of others caught in the line of fire?

I don't know. Lord have mercy on me, a sinner, and grant me wisdom to learn this.