How Our Story Goes

How We Sold Our House in a Week - Part 2 (Pricing)

2012-02-19T18:11:00.000-06:00

As we made our plans to sell the house, we ended up with two priorities: price the house right and make it look as stunning as possible. I'll break that down and talk about pricing first.

I didn't depend on my realtor alone to price my home correctly. I wanted to make sure the price was consistent with our strategy, so I did it myself. I considered the money we were going to pay him as a marketing fee, since he would make sure the listing was put on the MLS and posted elsewhere, and would also do all the showings for us.

When deciding on the list price, we based it on the prices of sold properties close to our home that were very similar to our own, in size and condition.

I Used Sold Prices to Decrease Our Days On Market (DOM)

I knew I couldn't just look at homes that were for sale in my neighborhood and pick a similar price. That doesn't tell me what the houses are worth - it tells me what homeowners are asking for. The difference between what a seller is asking and what a buyer will pay usually correlates to how many days it will sit on the market.

Looking at homes that have sold will tell you exactly what the market says the house is worth, and will cut down your days on market significantly. You usually won't need to drop your price to compete with the market - you'll come out of the gates priced that way already.

Zillow.com is a great free tool, and you could use that almost exclusively. You can enter your home address and on the side bar can choose to look at similar homes for sale, or similar homes sold. Look at homes SOLD. We also used our county assessor's website, which happens to be one of the best in the country.

Finding Comparable Homes in Size & Condition

So I used Zillow, and found several properties in my neighborhood (within about a square mile) that had sold in the last year (more recent is more accurate). I only looked at houses that were similar to mine in size: number of bedrooms, bathrooms, garage and square footage.

Next, I looked at the condition of the homes on my list. This is the trickiest to do, but also the most important. Whether a house is old and ugly or modern and new makes a huge impact on the price, and therefore on the price of your house. You want to price your house based on houses that were basically in the same condition as yours.

To find our comparables ("comps"), we picked the houses with conditions most like our own home. Our home was remodeled, almost completely redone. There were more than a few updates, but most of our updates were average and not high-end. So I looked for houses that looked/sounded about like that. I looked at pictures and read descriptions that are part of each house's profile on Zillow.

Breaking it Down to Price Per Square Foot

Now we had our comps: houses recently sold, in our neighborhood, about the same size and in about the same condition as ours. Next I figured out the price per square foot that each one sold for. I took the sales price (e.g. $100,000), divided by the square footage (e.g. 1900 sqft), and got the answer (e.g. $52/sqft). I did this for each house that we were using in our comps, and then came up with one average price per sq foot. In our case, most homes that were about 3/2/2 and 1900 sqft and nearly completely remodeled with some new larger items (like roof and A/C) sold for about $76/sqft.

But we were conservative: we priced at $74/sqft. We made sure that our price was about $5000 lower than any other home similar to ours that recently sold. I think this was the key to our pricing: make it just a little bit lower than other homes.

That's as accurate as we could manage, and it worked out well (when we discussed it with our realtor, he thought it was a good number, too). Pricing it $5000 less than similar homes were selling for meant that it was a real deal, and we had a full price offer after one showing. Even though we could have waited 3-6 months and gotten more, it would have been about even, since every month we had to pay our mortgage, insurance, taxes, utilities, etc. Not to mention all the time lost, waiting and having to keep the house immaculate. We were so grateful that everything came together, and that our part in it all seemed to have worked.

I'll talk about what we did to get the house ready (and "look as stunning as possible" - our second priority), in the next post.

Cabinet Makeover - What Color?

2012-02-09T16:14:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I bought this cabinet for $20 off of Craigslist. I was looking for a cabinet that could double as a bench, but also allow for storage. I wanted to put it against a wall in our new kitchen.

It looked pretty good in the picture, but it was kind of dirty and the finish turned out to be white (that was yellowing) laminate.

I got it home and took off all the laminate. It took a couple of hours, the use of a hairdryer and the help of my husband. But I was so grateful to find that it was made (in someone's shop, most likely) with good quality hardwood plywood. There's a grain in the wood that shows through.

So what color should I paint it? I was imagining putting on some short feet on the bottom, painting the whole thing, and adding new handles. My default is always safe, so I was thinking white. But I would like something a bit more fun, but also a bold color that won't show if it gets a bit dirty.

Here's a picture of the kitchen I'll be putting it in. It'll go against that long wall there, but will have to share it with a small, child-sized pine armoire. I also think I'll run two, white 4 ft floating shelves above the armoire and bench.

A dark vintage blue cabinet

A brighter blue, somewhere between baby blue and turquoise

A very bright Kelly Green cabinet

Ah, and here is the 47" tall pine armoire going in the kitchen, on the same wall.

Do you have a vote? Or a different idea?

How We Sold Our House in a Week - Part 1

2012-01-25T13:03:00.003-06:00

When you're a stay-at-home mom, your life might sometimes be lacking that feeling of a job well done. By that I mean the job never ends (cleaning up toys, washing clothes, wiping spills, making food); but also that you usually won't see the real fruit of your labor for decades - not weeks, months or even years.

This can be difficult, especially if you happen to be the type of creature, like me, who is doing all these things without much enjoyment of the tasks, but mostly out of a committed love for your children and husband. That being the case, it's a wonderful thing when a stay-at-home mom like myself finds something else - an activity, skill, hobby, business - she happens to be good at, enjoys, and can actually stamp FINISHED!

This is what I discovered when my husband and I decided to sell our house last year. I found that I was good at doing that sort of thing, and loved (mostly) every minute of it. We ended up selling our house in a week, even in a tough market, with a full-price offer. I thought I'd share how we did that.

The very first thing I did was research like the dickens.

I've always liked the shows about anything real estate-related: flipping, renovating, finding, selling, landscaping, redecorating - doesn't matter, I love them. So I already had some general knowledge (or at least familiarity) with some of what we needed to know. I've also been involved in real estate investing since 2009, so that helped too.

But all that really wasn't enough to be informed. I'm a big fan of the phrase "informed consent", and pretty much take it to heart in everything I do. I want to know all about what I am doing and why, and take responsibility for the outcome. This is a not-so-great philosophy in some areas, but works out really well when selling your house. After getting my bearings with a humble "what to know when selling your house" Google search, here's what I eventually did to prepare:

Watched lots of episodes of Get It Sold, featuring Sabrina Soto. I liked the show, and appreciated the emphasis on real current market value for pricing, and the practical tips on staging it gave you. Their formula seemed to work to get the homes sold (and jived with what I knew from investing), so we basically used this approach to selling our home: price it right, and make it look as close to perfect as we can.

Looked at tons of home staging principles, tips and pictures. They're everywhere on the internet, and I gobbled them up, especially noting features and problems that were also in my house. Take note of the tips you see most common (like de-cluttering, cleaning, etc.) and know that those are your priority.

Only used a realtor we found by way of referral from someone we personally know. The realtor we used when we bought our house was also a friend, and the previous property manager of a house we rented. He referred us to our selling realtor - they were acquaintances and both former Marines.

Made sure the realtor posts high-quality pictures in their listings. Something like 80% of home buyers look on the internet first. They won't want to look at your home in person if the pictures they see are fuzzy, dark, have awkward angles, don't show full rooms, etc. Your realtor should have a high-quality camera or hire a photographer - a regular ol' digital camera won't cut it. We looked at our realtor's current listings and saw beautiful, inviting pictures with great lighting that highlighted all the best aspects of the house. Here's a great blog of ugly house photos: how NOT to do it!

Next, I'll post about how we priced our house, and what we had to do to get it ready to sell.

Reality Checks

2012-01-04T19:26:00.000-06:00

Then everything started coming up. In that state of silence, there was room now for everything hateful, everything fearful, to run across my empty mind. I felt like a junkie in detox, convulsing with the poison of what emerged. I cried a lot. I prayed a lot. It was difficult and it was terrifying, but this much I knew - I never didn't want to be there, and I never wished that anyone were there with me. I knew that I needed to do this and that I needed to do it alone.

This is like Advanced Counseling for Patients. It's what happens after you start to unravel yourself a bit and understand that stillness and solitude must come and reveal the rest. It's the entering into pain, after finally having someone introduce you to it, and tell you its name.

I don't talk much about what it's been like for me to go to counseling the last two years. For many people, it's simply too embarrassing (or possibly shameful) to hear. I'm also not entirely convinced it's useful to explain the complexities, depth and sheer intensity of emotions, memories, connections and insights; they're mine, after all.

But I do wonder at what it is exactly that draws some of us into this particular stage of growth: why do we willingly enter into this suffering and pain and hellish torment of the soul, despite having descriptions like the ones above, to warn us? What prompted me?

Well, it helps that I didn't understand exactly what I'd be getting into until it was too late to back out. I came to Bruce, our counselor, because our marriage had finally come to an impasse: I wasn't moving and neither was he. Thankfully (by God's merciful grace), this was simply too painful for either of us to bear.

But what actually drew me into the Mystery that she describes above - that strange, voluntary hell as we go through the process of looking at ourselves, at Reality - was a promise I read in a book, given to a woman who was just like me, standing at her own crossroads and faced with a choice to walk down the path or not: "you will have a better life than you could ever imagine".

Well, it sounded like another promise that Jesus gave, about life and, really, abundant life. Obviously: yes, please. So down I went into the rabbit hole. And this woman (who I will reluctantly admit is Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love) describes it well in the quote above.

I'm becoming a Reformed Mystic, I suppose, and marveling at all the mysteries in this world, and also at the funny joke God plays on us by giving us hints of the divine but also giving us bread, and wine and pudding and roller coasters and beaches. The Incarnate and the Transcendent, together.

2011 Wrap Up

2011-12-27T16:51:00.001-06:00

This post is also found on my investing blog, Flipping Oklahoma, so it may be a duplicate if you read both!

The best thing that happened to us this year happens to be named Madelyn Ruth Payne, born on February 12. It was a complicated, intense and scary birth but that was the worst of it. She cooed, she slept, she smiled and we all adjusted much better than my fears and plans allowed.
Praise God!

She is 10 months old now and I have decided I was right, after all, in giving myself an entire year for an adjustment period. Not the standard 6 weeks or even 6 months. I gave myself 12 months before I would think of losing weight, of making plans, pursuing adventures, or have the house running smoothly. This is surely not necessary for everyone, but for me? with my third child? Yes, it was, and the grace has been life-giving.
Without even realizing what was happening, in the last eight weeks or so I found myself wanting to organize the laundry and meals and what-nots in the house, and talking to Aaron more often about our debt and goals and dreams and brainstorming ways to move forward. Just like that, my time of adjustment has ended all by itself, gradually and organically, without judgmental pressure or condemning “should haves”.

At the beginning of November, I was chatting with a friend of my husband’s family and discovered he and his partner overwhelmed with their real estate ventures. They had leads coming in but not enough time or a good enough plan or system to follow-up. I asked him if he’d ever considered having someone come in to help him coordinate his deals, to take over the tedious process of follow-ups, negotiations, comps, contracts and closings. They had, and in fact were looking for someone!

I emailed my friend, Shae, a veteran investor, asking if she thought there was an opportunity to partner up with or offer a sort of transaction coordination service to busy investors. She did!

Then, around Thanksgiving, I paid an outrageously cheap price to try my friend Shae’s Financial Freedom GPS. Aaron and I have read books and articles like it before, and are familiar with many of the principles in it. But we needed a new starting point, and boy did we find it. Although we were familiar with most of the budgeting concepts, Shae’s approach to getting out of debt and pursuing financial freedom were the first of their kind, as far as I know. The entire e-book has been intriguing, innovating and inspiring. Just the ticket!

We have a good plan, with aggressive and smart ways to earn quick cash to pay off debt and start focusing on the next stage of our plan: develop that passive income!

I’m hoping it works out to partner with these two investors, but if not, I already have a marketing plan to find other investors to work with in the area. We’ll see how quickly this can work, and where all the cards fall in the next few weeks.

Here’s to 2012!

Mama, Growing Up

2011-10-22T00:13:00.000-05:00

I was pushing Maddi through Target the other day and a series of thoughts popped into my head as I realized that, by the time the third child comes...well, you've learned a thing or two. Maybe, like me, you might not realize it at first, but here are some examples for you:

-Don't dig yourself an early grave by saying "uh oh!" every time your baby drops something. You now know you will regret this later if you do, when that baby discovers her most favorite game.

-A baby toothbrush, or carrot or celery stick, is a better teether than anything you can buy labeled "Teether".

-Just let them slobber on anything and yes, pick it up and give it back to them.

As you push this third baby through the store, you might just find yourself wondering at it all. How did you make it this far? How did you finally learn to relax enough to really soak in some knowledge and even a bit of wisdom?

You think about the suffering you've gone through. With a pang of guilt, as images of third world countries flit across your mind, you think of your own long nights, nonstop crying, shrill screams, needs so numerous you couldn't possibly meet them all at once, and you realize that suffering is relative and of course, you've suffered. Quite a bit, actually.

You've learned what a failure you are, and realized that in the middle of that failure is the grace that you were working so hard to achieve in conquering motherhood. Your oldest child isn't accomplishing the academic goals you set out for, but he has seen your tears as you apologize, and you now feel that little eternal lesson is more signifiant than whether he can read yet.

You are able to forgive yourself - even if only a moment here, or a moment there - for being confused about yourself and your life, for even hating it sometimes. You realize most people are really like you, after all, and struggle to stay put in their mind.

And just like that, bit by painfully slow bit, you change. And wake up one day realizing that you have something to share, and the bulk of it isn't advice.

Autumn Veggie & Rice Soup On the Fly

2011-10-17T11:19:00.000-05:00

Unlike my great friend, Kelly Rose, I am not comfortable cooking intuitively, or on the fly. But somehow, when I do, it ends up being my tastiest meals. I'd like to re-create this soup, though, so here's the recipe (since my recipe box and cards are still packed up!).

Autumn Veggie & Rice Soup

1. Saute one large red onion in 3T olive oil over medium heat.

2. Add 3 celery stalks, 4 carrots and 1 turnip, chopped into large chunks.

3. Add 1/2 yellow bell bepper, 1/2 green bell pepper, 4 med. yellow tomatoes, chopped.

4. Add 2 cups beef broth/gravy and 2-3 cups water. Season with salt, italian seasonings, dash of cayenne, garlic powder, and a splash of white wine vinegar.

5. Simmer 1-2 hours on low or low-medium heat.

6. Add juice of 1/2 lemon, some chopped frozen or fresh spinach, 1/4-1/2 cup peas and 1 1/2 cup cooked rice. Simmer at least 45 minutes or as long as you want.

Serve with fresh parmesan cheese and perhaps a bit more salt. Substitute freely with whatever is in your cupboard, freezer or refrigerator. :)

Forward Motion

2011-09-12T21:18:00.000-05:00

Maddi woke up 7 months old today. And she cried. Another tooth, of course.

This sense of loss at the passing of time feels all-consuming these days. I share a story with my mom about Joseph, look in the rear-view mirror and don't see the same baby. I see a boy who wants to leave.

In a book I just finished reading, a woman's counselor strongly advised her not to have another baby while still in therapy. In fact, he recommends that all of his clients wait at least a year after terminating therapy until they even try to conceive. Why is this?

Patients form such an intense bond with their therapist, that, upon severing that relationship, people will search for a new one. Babies bridge that gap between the sad reality of our alone-ness and the hope of connection and intimacy.

Nothing is more intimate than a cuddling, nursing baby, who is still warm from leaving your body. This sweet, small creature - the perfect image of yourself - needs and wants you. Desperately. You alone make this most lovely person happy.

Yes, talk about connection.

This therapist went on to discuss with her the fact that the timing of her strong desire to have a baby just as she was planning to terminate therapy showed her motivation: avoidance of pain.

I think this is why mothers cry through each and every milestone of their children's lives. And I think this is why those of us who are less mature wail and gnash our teeth in front of our children while talking about said milestones.

Our children need us to be strong for them. To encourage them to grow up, be independent, take risks, get hurt, learn love and pain, and - well, to enter the adult world of suffering. Because that is where joy and wisdom and Christ are.

But to do this, they must leave. And we almost can't bear it. It almost swallows us whole. Just the idea of the emptiness, the life's work, the love - gone, is enough to make our hearts gasp.

But we know, don't we, that this is Good? That it is good to see our longing for intimacy and connection? As our children leave us, we are left with this aching hole that needs filling. God will fill us, and that hole (I am learning to see) is good.

It is good, too, to see this now, as they are young. So that we can spend their whole life convincing these children that leaving us is wonderful for them. That nothing would make us more proud than to see them grow.

One day, we will have children who have flourished because we loved them. You know, the real kind of Love, that sacrifices our selves (our longings, tears and hidden sadness) so that they can grow.

I'm looking forward to that One Day, because I will see my son and my daughters, and I think they will have grown up enough to really love me too. With that same real, sacrificial Love that I pray everyday that I could somehow show them.

Justice and Love

2011-07-16T12:52:00.002-05:00

My friend, Norman, has good thoughts about how to handle controversies in the church. It's good to think about these things, because I don't want to sacrifice love in the name of justice, nor justice in the name of love.

I completely agree that mere offense is not enough reason to start an argument. I agree that we all want to speak our minds, and it's dangerous if we are waiting our turn to speak rather than listening to what others have to say. I think criticisms should always be qualified, and always leave room for clarification and reconciliation. And I think these things are easier said than done. It's good for me to have you around to remind me.

I also think that silence has created as many broken homes as careless speech. In every scandal, every time a priest abuses a little boy, every time a pastor engages with impunity in sexual practices he has railed against from the pulpit, every time the cross of Christ has been used as a justification for oppressing women, blacks, or any other group, every time the leaders of the church have quietly led their flocks out of the eyes of society and down the road of a new gospel... there have always been those who saw problems, saw warning signs, and may have even spoken to these leaders about their concerns, but in the end kept their fears to themselves. A murderer walks free for a want of two witnesses willing to speak publicly rather than go to the murderer first.

Now, this previous point is gross hyperbole. Mark Driscoll has not killed anybody, he has not sexually abused children, beaten his wife, ordered a black man to the back of the bus, or throw trash and yelled at men leaving a gay bar. He hasn't done those things. But he has said things that many find very hurtful, and not in keeping with the gospel or Scripture. He didn't just say them to his small group, or even to his own church. He published them in a public forum, inviting public critique, even from other believers.

If Rachel Held Evans sees what he has done publicly as 'bullying,' then she would be doing truth, unity, and the gospel of Christ a disservice if she remained silent, or merely told him 'I think this is bad' and then sat back as she saw it continue. There is always the danger that Ms. Evans' passion will lead to error and lack of love. This is no less true of Pastor Driscoll's passion. Passion is fire, and fire is dangerous. It doesn't mean we should hide it. And it certainly doesn't mean (to borrow the words of another controversial Christian figure) that we should "trade truth for false unity."

4 Months

2011-06-26T11:32:00.004-05:00

Maddi's fourth month has been a standout month for our family. We finished fixing up the house, put it on the market, got a contract, and sold it. We moved all of our belongings here to Tulsa, Joseph got his first bee sting at the park, Emma became officially potty-trained, and we generally lived in stressful, exciting upheaval.

While we were sprinting around, Maddi decided to check some things off her baby to do list.

Two and a half weeks ago, her aim sharpened, her grip tightened and she was able to grab and play with objects for the first time. This is a big one for mamas, since that means I can add 5 more minutes to the time she can play by herself. I appreciate it.

Two weeks ago she started scooching on her back. We were packing in OKC and I found her under our guest bed! She's an excellent scoocher.

One and a half weeks ago, she started sucking her thumb! She now goes to sleep sucking her thumb, although she still cries and yells a bit to get it out.

One week ago, she said "ba!". She wasn't being sardonic (not Maddi!), but discovered a new consonant. Aaron wants me to work on her d's, but I know he has an ulterior motive.

Five days ago, she cut her first tooth. Right smack on her bottom gum, it popped out. I cried. Give me more time, Maddi! is what I say to her. But no, she's moving on. Without me.

And just now, as I sit here at home, while the rest of the family is at church, Maddi rolled over! I'm not sure I can take all this change. But yes, the sweet girl was screaming in her crib, which is unlike her, and I found her on her back like an abandoned turtle.

She is really pressing on, so I suppose I should catch up with her. But I'm way back in March, when my precious newborn was learning to coo. I still contend that time is not where I'm from, or it wouldn't feel so awkward when I put it on.

Cloistered Homeschool Syndrome: Part Dos

2011-06-11T16:26:00.005-05:00

At least once a week, someone reads my post about the "cloistered homeschool syndrome". What's going on out there? I'm deaf to almost all news, but most especially Christian news. I completely avoid reformed or homeschooling news. If you strike up a conversation with the words "Federal Vision", I might run (Prov. 22:3).

When it's news about one sect, reported by another sect, I turn away like most men (should) turn away from a scantily clad woman with inviting eyes. I say "NO!". It woos me, it seduces me: drama, conflict, arguments, logic, theology, passion! It's Temptation itself for me. I become overly concerned about them, when I have weeds in my garden that need to be pulled.

But when I get hits once a week for the same issue, well, I think I'll post again, just to see what happens. With the words 'seduce' and 'temptation' in this post, who knows? I might get more hits than the original post, which is only a link.

Since I left home after high school and discovered calvinism, reformed theology and patriarchy, I've been THAT girl, ten times over.

I've been the single girl pining for a strong man to tell me what to do. In college I was convinced patriarchy was the solution to the world's troubles, and if families would only have better husbands sin would leave us alone. I moved out of my apartment with my roommate and rented a room with a Christian family. I wanted to "court" instead of date, and it turned out that I was doing everything myself, without input from anyone, and was essentially barking up the wrong tree. I learned to crochet and sew, and listened to everything I could on "biblical femininity".

The thing is, I don't like to sew. I didn't like that guy. And I loved my roommate.

I've also been that friend who handed out copies of "Getting Serious About Getting Married". As a single lady, I devoured the ideas, and as a young married woman, I held meetings with single women to explain what they were doing wrong. I saw single ladies at the university I attended and I pitied them for having too much freedom.

Why didn't I pity them for not knowing that Jesus loved them?

Most unfortunately, I've been that wife. THAT one. The one who told her husband what to say, with what tone, and with what gestures, to make sure he gave off the right patriarchal vibes. I would become frustrated with my DH (dear husband, you know) if he wasn't guiding our family in the direction I knew we should go. I resented his quiet, calm demeanor, because everyone knows that you can't be a biblical husband if your wife likes to talk more than you do.

And of course, we now know that we're a lovely couple, when we only try to be the Aaron and Kelly that we already were and are.

The problem with patriarchy isn't so much that the daughters stay at home, marry young, obey their parents or wear skirts. The problem begins when the parents believe and teach their children that there is no other way to be a Christian.

When they do this, it explodes into a Problem that the Gospel is not allowed to resolve. Their lifestyle, methods and day-to-day choices become practically more important than remembering that we are one in Christ, that we are free to live as we choose, and that our real obligation is to love.

When we forget that, the people around us know that we care more about our "convictions" than about loving them. Our friends will stop calling, tired of all the advice and lectures. They'll find a friend who will ask them "how are you doing?" and then actually listen to the answer. Our neighbors will know that unless they want a judgmental look, they will not call if they need help. And I've watched as the children of these parents "rebelled" and left, just to get enough room to breathe and pick out what they wanted to wear or how they wanted to arrange their house.

Patriarchy is only a problem when you cling to it as much as you cling to Christ. I remember the day I realized my convictions were more important to me than Jesus, and that I'd become a complete mess. I was attending college at the University of Oklahoma and was trying to graduate early, because I owed it to my parents, but I really wanted to quit and have 12 babies. I was right smack in the middle of what I call my "amish phase": long skirts, no make up.

It was early, and I'd just gotten out of my first class of the day. I was walking to my next class, staring at all the girls dressed in their tight, completely inappropriate jeans. I'd been judging these other girls silently for minutes before it even dawned on me to look down and see what I was wearing.

Jeans.

I'd woken up late that morning, and in my rush, put on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. I almost cried right then and there. It's always reminded me that I need Jesus, and so do they.

Being Present

2011-06-01T12:51:00.002-05:00

Last night, at the end-of-year ceremony for his preschool, I read in the program that when my son grows up, he wants to "do a dangerous construction job in Oklahoma City".

I woke up this morning, thinking, 'I guess he really will grow up'. Nothing motivates me to be a thinker, a doer, a lover more than knowing that when he does grow up, it will most likely be in my image.

So who am I? Who do I want to be? What do I believe? Because he will be these things.

After going to counseling for almost two years now, I know why my throat closes when I'm overwhelmed; why I yell at my children, furious that they need me; why I seek earnestly for any distraction or activity that will keep me from quiet reflection in those moments of anxiety or frustration.

It's terrifying being alone.

We believe we are weak, helpless and powerless. We believe we deserve everything, because we are nothing. We believe we will not make it without whatever it is that makes us feel strong. We believe we cannot be happy unless our lives are arranged a certain way. We believe we will never be loved, and everyone will find a reason to hurt us.

The terrifying part is that our fears are true.

Panic attacks are not being overwhelmed by fear. I believe they are being overwhelmed by reality.

We are broken people in a broken world, but ironically need perfection. Day in and day out, we face the truth that no one is loving me like I need, things aren't working out like I want, and the damn squirrels always run out in front of MY van. The truth is that we are not as helpless as we feel, but we are much more fragile than we are comfortable with. Panic attacks are in order when you realize that.

I know that in this world, to make myself vulnerable doesn't mean the chance of being hurt, it means that getting hurt is inevitable. I've had more panic attacks since waking up to this truth than I did before I acknowledged it. It gets worse before it gets better, but I am stronger in the truth than in the lie that I'm okay.

So the person I was when I wore my mask - when I tried to be who I thought I should be, instead of who I am - isn't the person I want Joseph to be. I want him to have the courage to be dangerous and to think thoughts the world (or the Church) might squelch because they are not the norm. I hope he has the strength to truly love and die and be humiliated and humbled and scarred by someone (lots of people), because he knows that he is loved and that Christ will not leave him. And I hope that he can scream and cry and yell at the injustice of it all, of not being loved back when he wants to be.

I hope he feels freedom to be present with himself, instead of contempt, pity, shame or arrogance. I think after he learns all that, he will be the man God wants him to be. And I will be a very proud Mama when I see that man.

Humility

2011-05-12T11:57:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking about humility. Pretty much since I could talk, I was known to be a proud person. I would argue with my mother over everything; I bragged about every good thing I did; I hated every person who would shine brighter than me.

Over the years, I began to hate myself for this. When I felt that pang of jealously, I would take myself aside and get a good lecture over the lack of love in my attitude. I would work furiously to do something really well, only to find that I was hitting myself over my own head, saying, how could you try to be better than others?! I would feel that pull to correct someone, and then tsk-tsk myself for thinking I was smarter.

But was I right to hate myself for those things? Were they all evidence of an ugly, proud heart?

Now that I've finally lived long enough to have swung in two completely opposite directions, I have at least a view of that middle ground, called balance, and I think also known as the Gospel.

Of course, some part of my behavior was pride, and sinful. But I disagree with those Christians who pick up their swords and plunge them into their hearts, hoping to rip out the bad (and keep the good?). They berate themselves (as I did) for their sinful hearts, hate themselves for their lack of repentance, and most likely "rededicate" themselves to righteousness in this area or that, many times over. They think the key to getting rid of pride is discipline, and a strong commitment to humility.

We all begin in pride, but the antidote to pride is love, not humility. Striving after humility and ruthlessly attacking myself - mistakenly thinking I am attacking my sin - only lends itself to more pride if I succeed in conquering my bad behavior.

It's love that I want, and it's the only thing that will quiet my fears, anger and striving, and allow me to actually look beyond the urgency of my own needs. I don't need to "battle" anything.

"Jesus has handled that battle; you are okay." That's what I say to myself now, when I'm being proud and ugly. When I'm tempted to stare at my sin, I do my best to force myself to look at Jesus. The more I do that, the less proud I am. Love quiets me, and (again) it's humbling to have Perfection love a failure. Yes, I work toward obeying Jesus, but only because I love him, and only by way of loving him.

But after all that, after the Gospel has started softening our hearts and we are waking up to our ugly selves, our needy selves, and we start to grow in love and grace, what does humility look like?

This is what I've been thinking about most.

The last few years, you might have found me walking around (even dancing) while saying, "Look what I did today!", or "This is such a great idea! I'm so glad I had it!", or "This turned out so well!". I might have some red flag go off in the back of my mind that wondered if I was "tooting my own horn", or trying to draw attention to myself.

But it didn't feel like that.

The best way to describe how I felt was detached. It could have been anyone's idea, anyone's productive day, anyone's yummy dinner. And I felt really happy for them. And for me. The last few years I have become more compassionate and happier for others (rejoicing with those rejoice; mourning for those who mourn). I've become just as eager to delight in my own good works and good days - big or little.

Why not be as happy that God has given good gifts to me as I am for others? Why not delight in the goodness he poured into me? Why not rejoice over my own growth the way He does?

Here are some quotes that have led me to think these things:

"Thousands of humans have been brought to think that humility means pretty women trying to believe they are ugly and clever men trying to believe they are fools...

God wants to bring the man to a state of mind in which he could design the best cathedral in the world, and know it to be the best, and rejoice in the fact, without being any more (or less) or otherwise glad at having done it than he would be if it had been done by another.

God wants him, in the end, to be so free from any bias in his own favor that he can rejoice in his own talents as frankly and gratefully as in his neighbor's talents—or in a sunrise, an elephant, or a waterfall. He wants each man, in the long run, to be able to recognize all creatures (even himself) as glorious and excellent things. He wants to kill their animal self-love as soon as possible; but it is His long-term policy, I fear, to restore to them a new kind of self-love—a charity and gratitude for all selves, including their own."
--CS Lewis (Screwtape Letters)

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less". --C.S. Lewis

"Don't imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call "humble" nowadays: he won't be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who's always telling you that, of course, he's nobody. Probably all you'll think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him, it will be because you feel a bit envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He won't be thinking about himself at all. There I must stop. If anyone would like to acquire humility, I can, I think, tell him the first step. The first step is to realize that one is proud. And a biggish step, too. At least, nothing whatever can be done before it. If you think you're not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed". --C.S. Lewis

Humility is not quite the opposite of arrogance. Arrogance is thinking more of yourself than you should. It does not follow that humility is thinking less of yourself than you should. Jesus was bold, frank, honest and strong. He did not shy away from greatness or compliments or followers or opinions.

Humility is embracing exactly who you are, as lowly or as great at it may be, and rejoicing in it because your Creator loves you.

Does it ever irk you when you give someone a compliment and they avert their eyes, mumble "thanks", and do everything in their power to avoid feeling good about what they've done? It does me. Or what about the person who does all that but is obviously glad you've finally noticed how great and wonderful and better than everyone else they are? Really?

I'm not encouraging anyone to walk around bringing up their good traits and accomplishments, or looking for praise. The opposite, really. When we're happy with ourselves, we're also happy with others.

Humble people are good listeners, who really want to see the good in others, and doesn't feel the need to interrupt and tell others all the wonderful thoughts they have on the subject. Humble people are quick to compliment others when they deserve it, but feel no need to flatter. When given a compliment, humility will say "Thank you!" with so much delight and agreement, it could take others by surprise. They don't seem to have an agenda when talking with people, and may seem self-absorbed at times, and selfless at others. This behavior doesn't really jive with the social norm of feigned humility, obvious narcissism, and hidden hostility.

So was I being prideful all these years, when I wanted to do well; when I thought something I did was good and said so; when I stated what I knew what I was good at? Perhaps some of my motivation was pride (and wanting to be loved), and it came out in my tone. But those behaviors alone are not proud. They are true and good in their proper context.

I'm looking forward to the day when I will know Jesus' love for me so well, that I can truly forget myself. I can't do that yet. I still interrupt others to tell them something "brilliant", feel rejected when someone else gets more comments on a Facebook post than mine, and feel jealous when I'm not invited to something. That's just the way it is.

But I'm so grateful to have more compassion for others, fewer yelling at my kids, and more willingness to really listen to others. God is gracious in his love to me.

Doing Life

2011-04-20T15:18:00.002-05:00

Dooce is hosting a watch party for a movie she believes in. What doesn't seem significant is that she believes in something. Who doesn't? I "believe" in so many things; I am not lacking passion. But Dooce is throwing a watch party. With her close friends, she wants to underline and highlight what she believes in. She wants to stop and give it the pause she thinks it deserves.

My question is: why does it seem that everyone else has space in their life for special events, traditions, outings, friends even, while I go about life day by day? Each day ends and another begins. Repeat. My life.

Another friend would perhaps describe what I'm missing as "symbols". It's not a lack of meaning or purpose; in fact, I feel full of a purpose and calling that I know is a privilege and ultimately a joy to have. But this purpose, my life, is disorganized, hazy. I am busy working, but missing those moments that draw me into the meaning to really see it. It feels like I'm experiencing that part of life that, when I try to recollect it 20 years later, will become condensed into a one-sentence sweep of the hand. "I took care of the children and baby."

Reading that Dooce is having a watch party stands out as an activity so apart from what I do, that I have to at least pause and sort out why. It could be that this is merely the way of life for stay-at-home moms of small children, who are easily flustered and don't like getting out much. Maybe this is Me, right now.

Or maybe this is like the time I got my first job. I was a cashier at Winn-Dixie, and after my first day, I went to bed and dreamed that I was checking out customers, and couldn't stop. Swipe, beep, swipe, beep, swipe, beep. Over and over all night. I couldn't wake up. I tried.

Being a mother is mostly about repetitive tasks right now: breakfast, clean up, direct children, lunch, clean up, direct children, snack, direct children, dinner, clean up, direct children. Sleep. Wake. Repeat. And I could easily see slipping into some sort of stupor, especially for my personality that wants goal-oriented activities.

So perhaps it's only that my brain and soul have fallen asleep with the busyness of taking care of small children/running a house/dealing with life's issues. Maybe putting in a bit of effort to organize and make moments happen that stop to consider the meaning in my life will help take away that haze I feel.

It could be something else as well. It could a lot of somethings. It could be that the reason Dooce's watch party made my heart suddenly long for something is that it'd be nice to have an intimate gathering of true friends over something special. Or maybe it was a pang for heaven. And maybe it just sounded blissful to have the time to host a party and to know you'd be able to watch an entire movie uninterrupted!

I'm still not sure, but I found my reaction so strange, that it was worth the pause to think about.

6 Weeks

2011-03-27T14:39:00.003-05:00

Maddi's last three weeks are gone. Never to be experienced again, which is sad, and also slightly a relief (considering how stressful the transition can be!).

Just after she turned 3 weeks, the congestion turned into an all-out cold. This was sad (hearing a newborn breathe through a congested nose would make even the most stoic man feel sympathy), but there was a consolation: more sleep!

It seems Madelyn is ready to turn my ideas of newborn behavior on its head, because it was at this point that she began sleeping in much longer stretches! She would go to sleep around 9:30 or so and sleep until 2:30 or 3:00, nurse again and sleep until 8:00 or even later. What sickly child sleeps better? Our oldest two have always slept very little when they are the least bit under the weather. Thankful yet again for the gentle way that things have gone for me so far.

The early bedtime lasted about a week, but just after she turned the Big 1 Month, she began getting fussy in the afternoons, which quickly evovled into fussy afternoons and evenings, and then (watch my anxiety increase here) into fussy afternoons, evenings and early mornings. For an entire week and a half, most days she would be fussy from 4pm until midnight, or one, or two in the morning.

Just like I knew I would, my fears about losing sleep, and remembering Emma, and my depression then, came back and it was hard for me to feel in control, to be calm, and to stare at the moment unafraid.

Thankfully, I noticed that I was having digestive problems, and found that in the last week and a half I'd been introducing more dairy and wasn't digesting well, which of course made me wonder about Maddi. I nixed the dairy (raw milk had the worst effect! sadness!) on the Sunday after she turned five weeks, and by Wednesday her fussiness was gone, and she went to bed at 8pm! Not only that, but the newborn acne that had suddenly appeared around the same time as her fussiness, disappeared as well.

We had a few good nights - what am I saying?! LOVELY nights - of afternoon and early evening naps and 8pm bedtimes, 3am feedings, and 7am wakings. Yes! Lovely is the word.

Now we're at the 6 week growth spurt, which really isn't all too bad. She's waking every 3-4 hours (just last night) and eating almost every 2-3 during the day, which is more than usual but looks quite normal for a newborn when I write it down. I still feel rested, so "growth spurt" doesn't quite send the chills down my spine like it did with my other two.

I went for her check up on Friday, and she's up to 11 lbs, 7 oz. (only 5 oz in 3 weeks), but she's grown to 23 inches. It's hard to imagine what it must be like to grow 1 and 1/2 inches in 3 weeks. I would go from 5' 3" to 5' 5 1/2"! But that's what Maddi did, and the reason her sleepers are stretched to the max when I zip her in. Time to upgrade, I suppose.

It's a funny phenomenon that every mother on the planet watches her children grow - even if she goes on to have 10 of them - and wonders in amazement that they, well, grow. It's expected, it's anticipated, it's inevitable. But it feels abnormal. It's a miracle. The same kind of miracle that causes one cell to divide into two, and to continue dividing until you meet Madelyn Ruth. It's supernatural. It shouldn't happen here!

It's also wrong. It feels wrong in the way that death feels wrong. Why should people leave us? Why should they go? They're meant to be here, with me, beside me, all the rest of our eternal days. But they don't.

Babies growing is so very close to death, because from the moment they are born, they begin the process of leaving you. Pregnancy is the very closest and most intimate a woman will be with her baby. After that, it is a race to independence, a race to escape.

The first day I dropped off my children at the Mother's Day Out program at a church, I was upset. I knew I would be, since most mothers are, but I wanted to know why. Why am I crying? I'd decided I felt good about the decision, happy to give them this solution to a difficult situation, and satisfied to compromise on my ideals. It was Good.

Then why was I so sad? Really, why was I mourning?

I called a dear friend, whose children were having children, and she talked with me. The week before, she dropped off one of her grandchildren for his first day of daycare, and she cried as well. She explained that it is a kind of loss. To watch your children grow and mature, it means they must walk away from you, and it is very sad to be left.

I understand better why I hold onto my ideals so dearly. It is because they are IDEAL. They are normal. It is God's will for us to never leave each other, but to fellowship forever. It is a very good thing for mothers to be with their children, rather than to send them prematurely with someone else. Why rush the loss?

I feel it every day that Maddi grows. I rejoice in it (oh how cute her grins and babble are!), but it is so sad to think that she will leave me. That she will not need me, or be as close to me.

I'm so glad that Time is not forever (ha! what a statement to unload). I'm so glad I only have to endure the change, the leaving, the dying, the growing for now, to be perfected and to learn to love Jesus. It's a wonderful hope to have!

Lentils

2011-03-14T11:22:00.002-05:00

I had a bag of lentils that I'd been avoiding. Thankfully, my overpowering hunger from nursing helped me get over my lack of lentil knowledge and go for it. I winged it (which is usually good for me: no overthinking) and came up with something pretty tasty.

Lentils

Saute 1 med yellow onion and 4 large cloves of garlic (both chopped/minced) in a couple tablespoons of olive oil.

Add 1 small carrot, finely chopped, 1 cup of lentils and 3 cups of liquid (I used 1 1/2 c. chicken broth and the rest water).

Add a few dashes of thyme, ground coriander, cumin and cayenne pepper. Add 2 tsp salt and some freshly ground pepper.

Simmer about 10 minutes, then add a handful of curly parsely, chopped finely. Finish cooking.

At the very end, add the juice of half a lemon. Serve with butter and rice.

I do wonder if anyone else has a better version of lentils. It could use some more flavor, I think!

Coo

2011-03-09T17:41:00.003-06:00

Today, Madelyn looked deeply into my eyes, smiled with her own, and said to me, "Cooo."

I said, "What is it, sweet girl?"

"Cooo."

"Yes?"

"Cooooo."

And yes, my heart melted. Again.

Newborn Can't-Do-Withouts

2011-03-09T16:29:00.004-06:00

While we're at it, I might as well round off my string of postpartum posts with my own list of newborn must-haves. And no, the perfect jogging stroller is not on it.

When I think of everything you would need for a newborn, I have in my mind a picture of this tiny little person who cannot move on her own, cannot play with toys - cannot even hold a toy - and cannot venture out much due to her constant needs for feeding, changing and loving.

I mean, really, at least the first month a newborn and her caretaker are busy just existing. It's just not a time for playdates and activity gyms. Those can come later. I am thinking of those items that consume your life those first weeks; those things you use so often you could quite possibly use them while sleepwalking or spend your 2 hours of sleep at night dreaming of using them.

Newborn Necessities:

-Diapers (1 Jumbo package of size Newborn, 2 Jumbo packages of size 1 or your clean and ready-to-use cloth diapers and accessories. We use Pampers Swaddlers for the first few weeks and then switch over to Luvs once we move into size 1. I never got around to switching to cloth diapers, but have no regrets either.)

-Wipes (We've used Pampers Sensitive with all three children. Would love to have made my own, but see above.)

-Burp cloths (Which in my household means: cloth diapers! Just know that there's birdseye flatfold and then there's prefolded 3-ply. I like the birdseye since they're not bulky, but still absorbent.)

-Onesies or sleepers (Depending on the season, and be sure to grab 3 month sizes as well - they grow like Chia pets!)

-Baby hat (to keep her warm)

-1 plush, cosy blanket

-2-3 receiving blankets

-1 sheepskin rug (I want one to sleep on too.)

-Thermometer (Take baby's temp the first few days.)

-Alcohol swabs or essential oils (like lavender) for cord care.

-Small bottle of olive oil for baby's bottom (Makes cleaning the meconium - that first, tarry bowel movement - a much easier job; if you continue to use it, it will help prevent rashes as well.)

-Coconut oil (This is new to my list. Maddi had so many rolls that she began to get a rash around her neck and in her diaper area. Coconut oil is antibacterial, -fungal and - viral, which cleared it up right away. Country Comfort works really well also.)

-Burt's Bees Apricot Oil (After 4 1/2 years with 3 children, it's ingrained in my brain that this is the way a newborn smells!)

-Humidifier

-Carseat

-Swing or something else for those times you need to sit baby down.

-Pacifier (Unless you've already decided you don't want your baby to use one, grab one just in case. You might like them, you might not. Your baby may or may not like them as well. In our case, our third baby finally took one, but we haven't given it to her much, since I wanted to make sure she could nurse really well before we did. We give it to her occasionally, and plan to do so for car rides or when we're out and about and I can't plop down to nurse her.)

-Sling: Slings are awesome. Ring slings, Moby wraps, Mei Teis, they're all great. Get one (or make one) and try it. Being hands-free and luggage-free when you go out with your baby is wonderful, and makes you feel better about being out with a newborn, since she's close to you (on you!) and no stranger can cause you anxiety by planting their face inches from hers or (worse!) asking to hold her. Also great for fussy babies. Emma slept constantly in my sling while around the house, and it calmed Joseph when he had fussy moments.

-One large basket to keep these items easy to grab.

A few things NOT on the list:
-Bathing items: You don't need a special washcloth, tub or towel, although you might want them. I don't like to use any kind of soap for a while on newborns, although Aveeno and Burt's Bees make good ones.

-Lots of clothes: But really, if this were my first girl, I'd go crazy. I already have a stock of cute outfits! :)

-An assortment of strollers: We have one because it came with the carseat and we've used it once at a park. One time in a month! I'm sure we'll use it more as she gets older and we get out more.

-Crib and bedding: This is just my preference. We had a crib and bedding for our first, and he actually used it and slept there from day 3 on. My second never slept, so no bed was needed! Maddi sleeps in a small, travel-sized bassinet/pack-n-play in our room, with her sheepskin rug.

-Toys: Puh-lease. Although Maddi does have a stuffed animal. :)

-Diaper pail system: More trouble than it's worth. We just toss dirty diapers in sacks and then outside in the garage or trash can, if they're bad. But breastfed babies don't really have stinky bowel movements.

-Baby monitor: We had this with our first and it plagued my sleep! I couldn't sleep at all, afraid that blasted intercom would blare a screaming baby into my ear. I would rather have a baby in my room than have the monitor. (But I also hate alarm clocks and refuse to use them. Maybe there was too much similarity!)

-Breastpump: I would get this next time, but it's not a necessity - unless you plan to go back to work!

3 Weeks

2011-03-07T08:21:00.002-06:00

The past two weeks have flown by, but, of course, it's impossible to have stuffed the past two weeks in only 14 days. It feels more like 2 months.

Maddi hit some sort of growth spurt that Sunday after she turned 1 week and nursed around the clock for 3 days, making her nights fussy and sad. Aaron and I became zombies that whole week. We were absolutely exhausted and having deja vu. Happily, though, sometime midweek, I plopped Maddi in bed with me and determined to sleep. The precious girl slept happily snuggling next to Mama. Mama slept in some contorted position that involved a crooked neck, arm and arched back. But I slept.

By the next night, and the next she was realizing that darkness means sleep, or nursing and going back to sleep, and I was praising God each time she woke in the night and peacefully went back to sleep. Everyone prays for relief from suffering, and new mothers pray for sleep. It's impossible not to rejoice and skip for joy when a newborn sleeps.

Maddi didn't exactly get into this night-time pattern on her own. Through trial and error those nights late last week, it became clear that although Maddi was happy to sleep in the swing or your arms, she would not *stay* asleep after you lay her down. That is, unless she fussed to sleep. The strangest thing I've ever seen. She seems to prefer to fuss for 10 minutes or so and will sleep happily for hours. My balanced husband saw me wringing my hands over this business - of me trying to decide to Cry It Out or Attach herself to us - and lovingly said: "Kelly, if I want to pick her up and rock her to sleep, I will. If I think she needs to cry a bit to go to sleep, then that's what we'll do." I think that's called Balance, but I wouldn't know. I call it Sanity, and I'm thankful to have that blessed man around during the middle of the night!

That pattern has mostly continued this past week as well, and she'll usually go 4-5 hours between feedings at night, sleeping on her tummy on her sheepskin in her little bassinet. I feel wonderful.

Last weekend, my mom came to OKC to meet Maddi, and also to help with the children while Aaron and I went to a Bruce Edstrom conference in Norman. Maddi had her first public outing at Santa Fe Steakhouse. She slept through the entire dinner in her carseat. I kept glancing at her, wondering at it. I may sound over the top in my amazement at her sleeping, but it's a 180 degree turn from her sister, and still hard to believe.

We also stopped by the midwives to weigh Maddi girl and at a 2 1/2 weeks she weighed 11 pounds, 2 ounces and measured in at 21 1/2 inches. Excellent work, Madelyn!

She's congested right now, probably due to the fact that Emma, Joseph and I are also congested, with coughs. I hope it passes soon: it's a pitiful sound to hear a snuffly newborn.

I found myself anxious last week. It was a restless - rather than a panicky - anxiety, caused by asking myself over and over, "What am I to do now?". There's no return to life before baby, if for no other reason that it's been well over 10 months since there was a life without preparing for baby. How, then, do I create a life *with* baby? I ask myself this every time a baby comes, and stumble through it each time as well.

It feels strange to navigate life with a new person, and it's hard to get past the fact that my new life will mostly mean a repetition of domestic activities that are self-perpetuating. I will clean so that I can clean later; I will change diapers so that I can change more later. In this stage when the children are young, it's hard for me to see purpose beyond sustaining existence. And then I feel like the poor atheists, who wisely ask themselves, "Why am I working so hard to exist, when there's no point to existing?" Thankfully, my situation is short-lived, with great purpose behind all the mundane, circular tasks. (Not so for the atheists.)

It's helpful that over the last several years I've changed and begun to trust God will my moments and days, giving up control over the seemingly more important and urgent things that I really want to do. I'm willing to wait for big dreams or perfection, so I'm doing a bit better at handling the reality of each day.

I also have come to terms with Me. I love to be busy, love to keep my mind occupied with figuring things out, and so I'm happily taking on projects and planning and those things that are very much NOT repetitive, domestic activities. It feels good to do that, and to do it without being paranoid that others may find fault with that.

I think I'm on my way to growing up. My heart really is full. It's full of gratefulness for God's being tender with me in giving me Maddi. My heart is full of fear that it will get harder. My heart is full of praise for all the newness and promise that comes with our precious new girl. My heart is full of sadness at what our family is going through right now. It's full of confusion when I think about our future and how we don't know what to do now.

But I feel more solid, more secure than I have before. Because there is no searching except for Christ. I will not demand of Aaron to be my ceaseless comfort and wise advisor, or that the children be perfect, or that my emotions obey the truth. I'll ask for grace and ask that Jesus stay with me, because that's all I can hope for, and really all I know I want.

Postpartum Can't-Do-Withouts

2011-02-28T10:23:00.005-06:00

This postpartum experience has been so much better than my second one. There are lots of factors to consider, but this is a list of things I had or did or others did for me that I feel made a huge impact on my good experience the first two weeks:

-The book 'Mothering the New Mother', which helped me to remember that new mothers need a great amount of care, and you should prepare for that without guilt or embarrassment.

-Childcare (having childcare lined up meant that I had the first 3 days to completely devote to Maddi and have Aaron take care of us. This was golden.)

-A list of people I knew I could rely on to give seasoned advice and/or a sympathetic ear.

-A menu and frozen food

-Extra money set aside for the inevitable increase in eating out, along with a list of good restaurants that serve fresh food.

-All the supplies and clothes and baby needs ready and waiting.

-Arnica pellets (for pain from birth and nursing)

-ContractEase (herbal tincture for afterpains - I drank 1-2 glasses of water with 20 drops every time I nursed for at least the first 4 days and it helped a lot)

-Lortab (helped the first two days with pains and as a side benefit baby slept a lot!)

-Placenta Encapsulation pills (helped so much I will probably tell everyone about them)

-Drenamin (supplement for stressed and overworked adrenal glands)

-Soup (homemade chicken and rice soup gave me energy and was so nice to my digestive system)

-Belly Bandit (gave me support for my back and stomach)

-Of course, nursing help: tea bags (boiled and cooled) to sooth, Lanolin, topical arnica, Boppy pillow

Nesting

2011-02-20T21:52:00.002-06:00

Today Emma built a nest in the "backyard" of our duplex here in Tulsa. She used dirt and leaves. When she was done, Aaron and I heard her calling, "Burds! Burds! I have a nest for you! Come heeeeere!". And when they didn't come, she called again, looking up into the sky, "Hey guys! Hey guys! Come heeere! I have a nest for you!".

Our animal lover, for sure.

First Week Wrap-Up

2011-02-20T16:47:00.005-06:00

Last night, Maddi had her first night that didn't involve a tiring amount of crying and patting. Fuss-free, oh the bliss! To top it off, we've made enough progress with nursing that I let Aaron sleep through the night. She woke at 1:30 and 3:30, then 6:30, and I nursed her on the couch - just us and the boppy - without too much soreness. It was a great way to end Maddi's first week with us.

Nursing
I think the pain and scabs peaked around Wednesday, but Saturday was the first day that the pain was mild enough to nurse on the couch in front of the kids. Trust me, when it hurts badly, it takes a lot of concentration and willpower just to latch on! I'm very grateful. Her tongue still clicks often when she's nursing, but we've practiced opening wide and staying wide constantly, and this seems the best she can do. She nurses much better on the left side, so we start on the right side, usually do a diaper-change/burp mid-feeding, then do the left side. To have moments of pain-free nursing gave me a glimpse of the moments I'll have the next year or so, nursing Maddi happily. I'm looking forward to it.

Sleeping
She started fussing at night Tuesday night, when we arrived to Tulsa. It got worse on Wednesday night, with her up for two hours straight crying. Thursday night and Friday night were a bit better, with peak fussiness between 1 and 3. Friday night wasn't too bad either. Last night, when she woke, I nursed her, changed her diaper, nursed on the other side, and let her nurse until it seemed she was asleep, then gently lay her down on her tummy in the bassinet. And she slept, bless her. She's slowly easing into the familiar pattern (Joseph did this!) of eating every 2-3 hours at night, and sleeping blissfully during the day, stretching her feedings to up to 4 hours! I will need some strategory for this soon. :)

Maddi just might be my Sleep Anywhere Baby! She will sleep on her tummy on a bed, in the bassinet, on the couch, on a blanket, on the sheepskin; she will sleep in the carseat (this seems to be her favorite - she likes cosiness), in our arms, upright, sideways (I haven't tried upside-down, though); she even slept while big brother held her. :) She will occasionally wake up after we lie her down, but otherwise sleeps very well.

Lately, it seems that during the day she will not even really wake up with some of her feedings, but go straight back to sleep. Sometimes, like earlier today after she ate at 2:00, she gets fussy and needs to be rocked. She took a paci almost right away - the day or two after birth - but we've used it rarely. I wanted to hold off until nursing was going well, just in case it affected that. I'm glad she takes it, because I wanted to be able to comfort her when I can't comfort her; when we're in the car, for example. Either way, it's nice to feel that she'll go to sleep when she's tired. I didn't have that confidence with precious Emmaline.

Diapering
Yeah, she's still not giving us any BMs on her own. She's upgraded to grunting in the last couple of days. We've resorted to giving her a glycerin rocket every other day or so, if she seems fussy after a meal. It should even itself out soon, though. She really dislikes diaper-changing time. It's the only time of the day she "loses" it! Today, Joseph ran out of the room while I was changing her diaper, and screamed "She's gonna cryyyyy!". :D

Growing
She barely fits into her NB or 0-3mos clothes! I've never had a baby do that before, and it's refreshing to know that I most likely won't worry about her gaining weight or being too small. We weighed her (very scientifically: I weighed myself, and then held her and weighed again), and it says that she now weighs 11.4 pounds! I can't imagine that's accurate, but who knows with my giant baby. :)

Maddi loves looking at the fan in the living room of the duplex here in Tulsa. She also loves looking at Mama. Of course, we all just *love* watching her smile after she nurses or in her sleep. It's adorable!! Emma loves when Maddi happens to smile after Emma's kissed her, and today Maddi stuck out her tongue just as Emma went in for a kiss! Emma thought that Maddi was hilarious and "trying to be silly". :)

Madelyn Ruth

2011-02-16T14:34:00.003-06:00

She's here and she's lovely. Born on Saturday, 2/12/2011 at 2:35pm, weighing a shocking 10pounds 3ounces and 20 1/2 inches long. Her rolls know no end.

Last night, Tuesday night, her umbilical cord fell off and I wondered at it. When did it fall off with Joseph, and with Emma? I remember Joseph's drying faster than Emma's, and Emma's hanging on by a tiny thread for days. But when? I want to remember when. So, at least now I'll remember that Madelyn's cord fell off in the middle of the night Tuesday night, when she was 3 days old. That's satisfying.

Up until yesterday, she'd been quite the sleeper, but it's become apparent that part of that was Lortab, God bless it. What's also become apparent is that Maddy is not a high needs baby, thank our gracious God. It's no secret that I was anxious about that, Emma having been a very high needs baby. I'll say that I'm still very scared. I'm a mess without sleep. A train wreck. What if I lose too much sleep and slip into depression? Of course, God alone will be with me, just as God alone is with me now. So, I'll be remembering that as much now as much as later.

The first day Maddy was born, she didn't slip into that newborn coma that most do hours after birth. She was wide awake, nursing and quietly studying everything around her. Her traumatic entrance might have played its role there. It was finally around 10:00 or 11:00 that evening that I nursed her and she went to sleep. But she fussed and fussed off and on until 1:30, when I offered to nurse her again (since Aaron was taking care of her). Nursing was very easy that first day. So, he put her beside me on the bed and we nursed together, falling asleep. I woke again at 6:30 to nurse her, but Maddy and I both fell asleep before we could, and all three of us woke up at 9:00, surprised by some nice sleep.

She didn't change much on Sunday either, being very sleepy and nursing only sometimes. I didn't mind. I took a nap as well and thanked God that she was resting for me and that Lortab and ContractEase was making nursing doable this time around. By Sunday, the sore nipples made their appearance, and Sunday night was the first night that I had to work myself up to nursing, the pain was so bad. This happens every time, despite my best tries to latch on correctly. I also always use breastmilk on the nipples, letting them air-dry, and Lansinoh, and cooled tea bags. Either they don't work, OR perhaps it would be 10x worse without them? Yvonne said that it was the misfortune of red-heads to have sensitive skin. Great. At least experience from two other children brought comforting hope of it all passing soon.

That Sunday night, we went to sleep at 10:30, after nursing her, and didn't wake again until 2:30, when she nursed (after trying to rouse her!), and went back to sleep until 9:00! My body was so thankful for the rest, but she needed to nurse more.

Yvonne came for the check up on Monday and Maddy was still wonderfully healthy, although she hadn't had a bowel movement. Yvonne warned that Lortab can constipate both Mama and baby, so that I needed to wean off of it as soon as I could. By this time, I was feeling much better. Aaron had gone to Akin's to get arnica for me Sunday night, and within hours was able to walk to the bathroom, which I hadn't been able to do before! So I welcomed Yvonne's advice.

I took the Lortab Monday night and sure enough, Maddy slept a lot that night as well. We went to bed at 10:00, nursed her at 3:30, then woke at 9:00 Tuesday morning. Dr. Glinsky came to the house to adjust the family, and found that Maddy needed one of her cranials adjusted, her pelvis, her IC valve, a spot in her neck, and of course, her left shoulder, where Yvonne had to pull. I didn't take any more Lortab after Monday night, relying only on ContractEase, which worked fine by the third day.

After that, we left our wonderful nest to head for Tulsa, to be joined with the rest of the Trifecta, as Aaron calls our children. :) She slept in the carseat (which she loves - a first for my children!), and was "herself" until we hit the loudness of the children. Poor baby. She became unsettled as the night went on, and although she slept from 10:30 to 1:30, it was difficult to get her to sleep, and we knew something was wrong. She woke at 1:30 to nurse and did not end up sleeping again until 6:00. I'm exhausted.

We ended up trying a warm bath, massage and finally glycerin suppositories to get her to have a bm. The glycerin worked and she finally slept. She's fussy again today, so I'm hoping the constipation stops soon. No matter what kind of baby you have, there will be something that is not what you expect. Sin is here, you know.

It's Wednesday now, and the nursing is more manageable. The scabs are beginning to heal (yikes), the inflammation is a bit better, and I'm more in the habit of having her latch on, experience great pain for 5-10 seconds, and then have it subside as nursing continues. This is good news for me. Once nursing pain goes away, I feel much better about life in general.

The children love Maddy dearly. Joseph kept his distance at first, only handing her things (like a doll), or helping Daddy. He's getting more and more excited, now that he's becoming more familiar with her crying. Emma was elated from the beginning, and we've had fits from her when we ask her to leave her alone. She wants to carry "Baby Sistah", hold her, feed her, give her blankets, kiss her, hold her fingers. She says she will take care of her.

May God continue to grant me thankfulness! And rest.

Picking a New Computer

2010-07-30T08:08:00.000-05:00

Our family has depended on my old laptop from college since we got married. (And we're celebrating our 5th anniversary this month!) For graduation, my parents got me a Dell Inspiron 600m. It's been so good to us.

But however attached and loyal I might be to my things (my old 1999 Sentra would be another example), it doesn't change that things get old and worn out. Especially electronics.

So, when I began getting what around here we call the Blue Screen of Death, my husband began preparing me for the worst. We had a friend work on the computer, which helped it hobble along another six months, but recently it's been freezing up, randomly shutting down, has a pink tint to the screen, and manages to let all sorts of new "errors" come up. When it just plain stopped working for a whole day last week, it was time to order a new one. Since my husband and I have been talking about it for at several months, we knew almost exactly what we wanted. Here was our thought process.

Three things dominated our decision:
1) Available money
2) Portability
3) Brand/Quality

Available Money: We are cash buyers, which means if we don't have it, we generally don't spend it. We hadn't saved up what we wanted for a new computer, so we talked back and forth about the value in getting a cheaper, possibly refurbished or bottom of the line computer until we'd saved up for what we wanted.

We only considered this (which would have us spending more total money in the long run) because we absolutely have to have a computer at home. If we didn't have our small businesses, we could have let the computer die and then waited until we could buy another one.

In the end, we came into some extra money and didn't need to make this decision. However, I think it makes good financial sense to either wait entirely to get a new computer, or to get a cheap interim computer until you can save up. Going into debt for a gadget should not be an option, in my opinion. Think appreciation vs. depreciation.

Portability: Do we go desktop or laptop? This was a short conversation. We travel a lot, go to different wifi hotspots often, and want the option of doing our business wherever we want to be. A desktop would be nice for sometime later, but for now, with only one computer, a laptop is what we need.

Brand/Quality: This whole sickness with my computer has been going on for nearly a year. I was just plain sick of it (haha). It's incredibly annoying to have a laptop on hospice. When we began thinking of which brand computer to buy, the fact that I'd always had glitches, viruses, and unexpected problems with my Dell became a factor. It hadn't bothered me that much, but if we could improve on it, I wanted to.

Enter the Mac cultists. Why is that most Mac users are walking advertisements for the brand? That, my friends is the question. They don't get viruses, they say. It doesn't shut down, or give you the blue screen of death. When researching it (yes, research every question you have, and every comment you read or hear!), it looked as though there were occasional problems, but that for the most part, the Mac groupies weren't exaggerating.

We took the plunge and decided to go Mac. After that, it was mostly a decision of speed and size. We wanted something fast enough to handle our movie watching and downloads, but we're not gamers so we didn't need much. After debating the epic 13" or 15" question, we ended up with this beauty yesterday:

Macbook Pro 15"

For more info:
http://store.apple.com
http://dell.com
http://jonnybaker.blogs.com/jonnybaker/2004/10/mac_or_dell.html

How to (Not) Eat Well When You Travel

2010-07-26T12:15:00.000-05:00

We just got back from a weekend trip to see family. Even though it was a great visit, I was exhausted the whole time. I'm pregnant, which means eating well isn't a plus, it's sort of necessary if I want to feel good enough to act like a human.

If you want to eat well when you travel, follow this one tip and you will: bring your own food. That's it. Easy peasy.

Only, I didn't do that this time, and ended up having lots of bagels, sugar, juice, muffins, bread, chips, etc. for my meals. It was awfully tasty, but I couldn't fit enough fat and protein into that to get the energy I needed.

Here's a Quick List of items I normally bring with me for meals/snacks:
avocados
whole-milk yogurt
cheese
nuts
butter
peanut butter
fruit as a utensil for eating pb

Just this short list of items can add a lot to meals, or completely substitute for one. If I happen to have a half gallon or more of raw milk, I'll bring it along, mostly because I don't want it to sour before I get back. Everyone in our family enjoys these foods, so they get eaten up.

What else is on your short list of travel foods?

How to Fight Off the Nasty Cold

2010-07-09T09:43:00.000-05:00

My family - all four of us - are fighting a summer cold. Sore throats, headaches, congestion, all in varying degrees.

What do you do about it if you don't have a doctor who writes you a prescription for these sorts of things?

Of course, I'll say the obvious and remind you that we do absolutely nothing but rest and relax. Sick bodies aren't supposed to be active bodies.

But here are home remedies I use for my family (do your own research, use your own discretion):

LEVEL 1: As Soon as Symptoms Appear

-Cranberry juice (a great detoxifying agent): the real deal, not Ocean Spray. Buy cranberry concentrate from your health food store (HFS) and mix it with water and a few drops of liquid stevia if you need it sweet.

-Kombucha provides probiotics, detoxifies, and has B vitamins to supply energy.

-Vitamin C (we like Emergen-C).

-Coconut Milk is anti-viral and antibacterial, and has good fats to nourish our weak bodies. I used to give my kids a tsp. every morning before breakfast, and I should do it again!

-Fresh veggies, and small amounts of fresh fruit.

-Strictly limit carbs and sugar. Absolutley nothing "white". Studies have shown that sugar actually feeds cancer, and has an immediate impact on our immune system when it hits the bloodstream. Refined sugar is oh so bad for us.

Level 2: It's Getting Worse and We're Supposed to Go Out of Town Tomorrow!

-Goldenseal is the antibiotic of my medicinal herbs world. I only use it when things are really bad. The only time I've busted out this nasty herb is when my son got a parasite (from a public splash pad!) two years ago. Nothing helped. I began giving him goldenseal (mixed in concord grape juice) and he began feeling better the next day. Honestly, I would use this if I'd been trying to get the kids to feel better for several days and hadn't seen any improvement. Or if we were supposed to be travelling soon and good health was a must! :)

-Oil of Oregano is what the adults in the house take. And you might not want to wait this long to start taking it. The moment I feel the scratchy feeling in my throat, or that achy feeling in my body, I take a few drops every 15-30 minutes until I feel better. I have yet to get sick when I do this!

Of course, it's contraindicated during pregnancy (as are many of my "bitter" herbs that I like to use when I feel ill), so it's taken me a bit longer to feel better.

Here's a tip on how to take oil of oregano: Take a sip of water and hold it at the back of your throat. Have someone else (or use a mirror, so you can see what you're doing) place a few drops of the oil at the back of your throat in the water and swallow. Quickly chase with the rest of the glass of water. If you don't do this, be prepared for a horrible burning feeling in your mouth, throat, esophagus and stomach. This stuff is strong!

Really, you shouldn't be getting sick all that often, if you're eating well. The only reason we're all sick is that for the last few weeks I haven't cooked much at all due to this early pregnancy nausea and exhaustion. Fast food will kill your immune system very quickly!

Here's hoping that our health holds out for travelling!

Fever Blisters, Oh My!

2010-06-28T21:31:00.000-05:00

Aren't they horrible? I've had them my whole life. They ruined picture day in 5th grade, and made me self-conscious around my boyfriend in 9th grade. I hate them. Some call them cold sores, some confuse them for canker sores. But they are what they are: a horrible virus that rears its ugly head on or around my mouth.

I've tried various things throughout the years. I've tried Campho-Phenique, and Abreva, but it would still take several days (even over a week) to get better. I finally got smart and began thinking about how to be proactive. When I felt that hot spot on my lip slowly get warmer and larger, I would run to the bathroom and dab hydrogen peroxide on it. It worked sometimes.

Then, in college, I began changing my diet. It looked a lot less typical and lot more "traditional" - with more raw foods, fermented foods, fatty foods, and way less carbs. (You can learn more about it through the Weston A. Price foundation website.)

One side effect that I didn't notice for several years was how infrequently I got a fever blister. Before, I knew to expect several a year. Before I knew it, however, it had been several years since one came to the surface.

In the last 2 years, my diet has - eh, hem - suffered a bit with the growth of our family, and so has my health. I've fought off more colds and illnesses, and have noticed that more fever blisters have been trying to come up.

I've never been entirely happy with how hydrogen peroxide worked preventively, and so when one nearly came up last week, I scrambled for how to nip it in the bud.

And, Eureka!

I grabbed a q-tip and my handy bottle of Swedish Bitters (which does have camphor in it), the ickiest concoction of bitter herbs you've ever tasted. I've learned the past few years how good bacteria helps your immune system, and bitter/spicy things will fight off the bad things.

One little dab of my Swedish Bitters and the hot feeling was gone. Instantly!

So whereas my diet has proven the best way to avoid fever blisters, I know now exactly what to grab if one does surface!

And by the way, I'm curious to see if other virus/bad bacteria-fighting herbs (like oil of oregano, or goldenseal) would have the same effect on fever blisters...That's for another time, I suppose.

How to Deal with Morning Sickness

2010-06-23T09:11:00.000-05:00

[Necessary Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor, or a midwife, or any kind of medical practitioner. This is just my own opinion. Do your own due diligence, please!]

Know the feeling of waking up and the first thing you become aware of is wanting to throw up?

Some people believe that morning sickness is the feeling women have when their liver is overwhelmed in early pregnancy by the huge increase in estrogen, the exponentially increasing presence of the hcg (pregnancy) hormone, and the toxins being released while the fetus is being implanted.

If it is liver-related, some of the best things you can do is to prepare your liver for the onslaught. "An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure." Or something.

If you are trying to conceive, why not do a liver cleanse? Make sure you're eating well, and consuming lots of liver supporting foods.

If you're already pregnant, consider taking dandelion root or milkthistle. I'm taking dandelion root right now. I'm sitting at 9 weeks pregnant, and have found this dosage to be helpful: 2pills in the morning, 1 at lunch, 1 at dinner, 1 right before bed.

Now let's do symptom control. I'm having the hardest time this pregnancy. It's hard to find any food or drink that doesn't make my stomach turn, but here's what I've found helpful (consumed whenever my body decides it's okay):
-Lemon water (fresh water with a good squeeze of real lemon juice - you could also try seltzer water)
-Kombucha (if you can handle it - try diluting it)
-Raw milk (find a source here) (and if you're skeptical, take a look at this)
-Homemade chicken broth with a pinch of celtic sea salt(roast a chicken, put the carcasse in a pot, fill with water and simmer for 12-24 hours - or have someone else do it!)
-My favorite: sip on old-fashioned, lacto-fermented pickle juice

When I keep myself full of liquids (esp. these liquids), I feel much better. The trick, of course, is to get over the queasiness enough to drink them. Catch 22, eh?

Also, if like me, you're having trouble eating enough so that you end up feeling sick from not eating (another catch 22...), a friend suggested I set the clock and drink something every 1/2 hour and eat something with fat in it every hour. Not something big, but something. If you're hungry or thirsty, you're body is already reacting to the loss of liquid or nutrients - meaning, you're too late. Stay ahead of the game to feel better!

Lawn Edging

2010-04-21T20:49:00.000-05:00

We've been doing yard work and one task is to install edging along a fenceline of beds. The Renegade Gardener has the best tutorial I've found on installing the black, plastic edging. Seriously. Installed properly, the cheap edging is actually an option.

http://www.renegadegardener.com/content/94plasticedging.htm

I wish we'd found this before we bought the more expensive steel edging to replace the black stuff. User error, indeed.

How, Where & What We Eat - and Still Feel Good About It

2010-04-20T10:54:00.000-05:00

Our family lives in a Purgatory-like state of healthy living. Despite our desire for good health and our very good intentions, we never have made it to the Promised Land of all homemade food and the absences of refined oils, sugars, carbs, artificial flavors or just plain crappy food.

We're in the in-between, and in this life we anticipate always being there to some degree.

A friend of ours described it to me this way. There are three factors at play:

Sometimes you have more time (like when you're a single, college student), but you don't have much money, and you need it be convenient since all you own is a microwave.

At a later stage in life, you have more money (like after you've married and have a salary position), but you have no time (two toddlers!), and convenience is moderately important (since you've become narcoleptic from a lack of sleep the past two years).

Other times (like once your children have left the house, you're retired, or you have older children), you might find yourself with an abundance of all those things.

Either way, your life circumstances will play a role in how healthy you will live right now - and even if you have a lot of all of these resources, you will always be making compromises because this just isn't a perfect world.

If you commit to doing as much as you can, but know that you just can't do it all, you'll be doing well. And even if you are the most passionate, driven, committed health nut out there, don't be surprised if you wake up one day to find yourself eating Sonic, or heating up a frozen pizza, or buying that gallon of ice cream. Life happens.

With that said, know that once you walk out your door, you are giving up anything close to the ideal. The ideal only happens in your own kitchen.

So, Where Do We Eat?

Our priority is to 1) avoid refined carbs and sugars, 2) avoid processed anything (veggies, meats, fruits, etc.), and 3) avoid artificial ingredients. Your own research and conclusions about health may lead you to have different priorities.

We tend to eat at:

Wendy's - I get the chili and a caesar salad

Chick-Fil-A - I get the nuggets (no sauce), a salad, maybe a few fries

Taco Cabana - I get the fajitas or taco salad

Local Restaurants - Local mediterranean, mexican and asian restaurants are great!

Where we eat, and know we shouldn't:
Chicken Express - A gift to Southerners

Taco Bueno - Another trademark of the South

Chili's - Yummy MSG-flavored foods we know and love

Supplements We Take to Counteract Fake Food:

Cod Liver Oil - Gross but builds a Super Hero immune system.

Coconut Milk - Supplies good fats and is anti-bacterial/viral.

Homemade or Store Bought Fermented Foods - like sauerkraut, pickles (for store-bought, try Bubbie's brand), yogurt (try Brown Cow brand).

Raw Milk - I know, I know, but we haven't died or become ill yet and pasteurization kills every good thing about milk. Become informed.

Apple Cider Vinegar - Puts good bacteria in our stomach which modern foods (like my treasured Chicken Express) destroy.

Despite how frequently we eat out now, we still manage to be pretty healthy, and without (too many) regrets about our choices.

Growltiger's Last Stand

2010-04-16T19:44:00.000-05:00

I used to have cat problems in the garden at my previous house. At first, I would go outside to the front porch in the morning and smell something awful. It took several days to register that it smelled like a giant litter box mixed with dirt. Ick.

I searched and asked around and finally came up the idea to collect those gumball seeds from sweetgum trees.

Photo by Jacqueline

I spread them around every flower bed I had and my problem disappeared! If you happen to have access to them, they were lifesavers!

I've also heard you could use toothpicks (I tried that, and it's not fun to insert hundreds of toothpicks in your garden! And they're not kid-friendly - ask me how I know). Another option is to use cayenne pepper or other strong pepper, but I was nervous about it hurting my plants, or getting in my eyes when I worked in the garden.

Here are more ideas if nothing else seems to work!

P.S. If you're not familiar with T.S. Eliot, he's great.

Direct Mail is Your Small Business' Friend

2010-04-08T13:46:00.000-05:00

If you've been scratching your head, thinking, man, I need to send about 50 (or 5000) letters/postcards/booklets, but really don't want to do use my printer or go to Kinko's, or do all that addressing, stuffing and licking myself, then here's a great solution:

Click2Mail

Click2Mail is an online mailing service. You can design and send - or upload your own and send - letters, postcards and booklets using their service. You can also upload your own mailing list (similar to a mail merge data source), or you can purchase mailing lists. Their prices are reasonable (I sent 86 postcards for $36), they work fast (2 days from upload to shipment) and are pretty easy to use. And it's all-inclusive: I gave them the document (and edited it myself), the mailing list, and wham! It's sent. Especially with letters (no stuffing or licking!), it's oh-so-convenient.

My one beef with them so far is that they don't have samples of their paper colors. So "Green #65" didn't mean anything to me, and I was afraid it'd be too dark. Of course, it was just the right type of bright green for a mailing, but still, I would have liked to have seen a sample rather than have to contact customer service. (If I completely missed this on their website somehow, let me know. I'm always looking for another way I have mortified myself.)

From the website, you get the feeling that anyone from an individual (like myself) to larger firms use Click2Mail for their marketing. Some people have complained of slow shipment from Click2Mail, and bad quality if you're using graphics. If you don't like Click2Mail, some alternatives out there are:

Vistaprint
Postcardmania
GotPrint
OvernightPrints

Now, if you're sitting there scratching your head wondering, why in the world would I NEED to send 50 (or 5000!) postcards, letters or booklets, here's the answer:

Cheap Marketing!

As annoying and tacky as it may be sometimes, you get results with direct mail. Typically, you can expect anywhere from a 3-6% response rate, meaning that 3-6% of the people who receive your mailing will respond to it. That may sound low. It is. Compared to the tried and true, old-fashioned marketing my Grandpa used, it is low.

My Grandpa used two main methods of advertising: 1) newspaper ads and 2) word of mouth referrals. In fact, his business grew into a business because of word of mouth, and it became somewhat of a staple in the area because of word of mouth as well.

Unless you have mass-appeal products (in my Grandpa's case, carpeting and, later, salons), the "shotgun" method of marketing that is newspaper ads might not be cost-effective or bring in as many quality leads (calls). I would like to hear marketing gurus talk about how effective word of mouth still is. But with niche products (which so many new, small businesses have), you might want to consider marketing to a niche audience.

Targeted marketing with direct mail is a great way to find potential customers for your unique product. The trick, obviously, is to find the list of these niche customers. You can buy mailing lists (as on Click2Mail or from any number of marketing companies). You can also find them yourself. Create a list of people you know who might be interested in your product, send them a letter and offer a small cash referral for another customer they bring to you. This direct mail/word of mouth hybrid might work out well.

I am NOT a marketing expert (I have other friends who are!). But I watched my Grandpa start and run two small businesses in his life. I'm hoping that by taking notes - even with my different goals - it might just give me a good place to start...

Being a Good Christian vs. Trusting Christ

2010-04-05T08:54:00.008-05:00

I wonder if the Christian life isn't so much about giving up what we want as about learning to recognize what it is we really want.

I've felt most of my life it was wrong to want anything that I couldn't have or shouldn't have. What I mean is, I thought it was sin to WANT something, if I didn't have it. I thought that I was sinning when I wanted the kind of relationship someone else had, or felt angry that someone mistreated me, or that I don't want to take care of my kids at the moment.Except that, despite this conviction, and the many times I've tried to repent of this, it has never helped me deal with the fact that I WANT those things. What do I do with those wants?

The best example I can think of was the teaching I heard in high school that God wouldn't send you your spouse until you wanted Jesus more than you wanted to be married. That sounds right, except that well, it doesn't work. All that happened was that I ended up trying to want Jesus so that I could get married. I understood the biblical concept of loving God more than anything else, but that didn't change my heart and desires.

What if the Christian life isn't about trying to beat your heart into submission or putting all your energy into convincing yourself to be and think and do just what the Bible says? But about seeing what you want, and looking for that until you really find it?

In the marriage example, I wanted desperately to be married. I waited, longed, dreamt, begged, cried, schemed and prayed for a husband. And isn't that natural? To want to never be lonely, to be loved, to be comforted, to have a faithful friend, to have the security of a promise? It seems to me to be a good thing. A great thing! It's how we're designed, and is there in our hearts from the moment we're conceived.

So what do you do with that? Most people do what I did and do. They look for a way to get it. And that makes sense. The simplest solution is a spouse, but you can also try to meet that need in your dad, your best friend, your adoring fans, or your sweet children.

Then the hard part comes: they're not giving you what you want. They're not loving like you want, they're needing too much from you, they're hurting you, angering you, disappointing you. It makes you angry, because you NEED them to be a certain way and they're not.

This is the crisis we all find ourselves in, and a Christian must decide what he will do about it. He has the option to deny the truth (by telling himself that he is being selfish and wrong and must ignore these feelings, while his anger might become bitterness and then resentment) or he faces his fears and stares at the sad/frightening/hopeless facts. He looks at himself. He looks at his spouse or father or friend or child. And he sees. Really sees. They can't make him happy. He thinks about other things that might help, too. But travelling to this place, having this job, or being friends with those people won't help either when he realizes what it is that he truly wants.

He wants Jesus. He wants everlasting love, infinite patience, perfect grace, delighted affection, and an easy burden. The Christian sees this sad and wonderful truth. Sad because you are full of longing for it now, and yet you know you can't have it now. And you know these people and things can't give it to you. Sometimes the fear takes over because you know that you are left without options if you want happiness right now. It's hopeless at times, because in our weakness, our faith waivers and we wonder if we will ever be happy at all.

But it's wonderful too. Because now you see how you can stop running; you see a future hope that overshadows the anger you feel sometimes, that answers and makes sense of your sadness in having broken friendships and imperfect parents, and shows you where you can go with all these intense feelings. You have a promise that you will one day have all this figured out and will get what you want. You have a promise that you will have God Himself; and life has proven that He's what you really want after all.

This is Good News to me. I actually got what I thought I wanted - a wonderful husband, two beautiful children, a home, a garden - and it was devastating to find myself angry, sad and hopeless. I was thankful for all that God had given me (they're wonderful things!), but I couldn't ignore my heart. And my heart said I still want more.

Praise God that I can want more. I need more. I'm not sinning by wanting more. I am coming closer to Jesus by wanting more. And praise God that my wanting more has led me to Him, and not further from Him. This hope also lends me freedom from other feelings that I hated. I no longer have to be at angry at those who are not meeting my needs, because I know that they couldn't anyway. When I remember my hope, I can serve others sincerely because I am confident my own needs will be met too (but not by them).

I am also free to want the things this world has to offer. Having a loving husband, sweet children, a nice home, a beautiful garden, extra money and time for leisure do two things for me. First, they give me a taste of heaven and of how great it will be when my desires are fulfilled. They are only a taste, but they are so nice!

Second, they constantly remind me that I can't have the real deal, the full experience now. As much as I love my husband and treasure his love for me, being married is a constant reminder that no matter how deep his love runs, it's an imperfect love and just not enough. Although painful, it's good to see that these earthly pleasures will never completely satisfy me, and I must keep seeking Jesus. I can accept loss or suffering or inconvenience or not getting what I want in an honest way (it makes me angry! it makes me sad! it feels unfair!), but with a hope that has an answer for me.

I may or may not be right. But if the Gospel is the Good News that Jesus made a way for you to be with God, doesn't that beg the question: what's so great about being with God? And if you discover, through the disappointments in your life, that He is offering what you long for most, then you have a lot more to think about than how much you're sinning.

How to Travel the English Countryside

2010-03-29T13:23:00.000-05:00

If you've ever read any of Jane Austen's novels, then you'll be among the crowd who knows without a doubt that visiting the English countryside is on your list of 'things to do before I die'. I mean, really:

Countryside Devon by Anna Cervova

Check out this one, too:
Low Wray, Lake District, England by Ben-UK

I've had several years now to daydream of the lands that Austen wrote about, and the places she had seen, and often wondered if they were all as beautiful in person. Austen was actually from the Lake District herself; was it as endearing as she described? If you've wondered yourself, why not plan to go someday?

After researching, I've decided that, although I am a nature-lover, I am not loved by nature, and would rather not face her head on in tents and long hikes that last from sun up to sun down. Instead, I would rather take up a nice room at an inn in a larger town (Manchester or London, for example) and take day-trips to areas by bus. From there, you can hike to several villages during the day, but be back in time to relax in the city by late afternoon.

Here is great way to go about it.

And here also is another traveller's perspective, this time on Derbyshire (the setting of Pride and Prejudice).

Just imagine taking long walks along secluded footpaths, strolling from village to village, taking breaks in pubs to drink the finest beers, to have welcome hospitality, stunning views, and the quiet hum of country life. If you ever go, please send me pictures! That's all I have for now. Well, that, and another sit-down with my dear friend, Jane.

2010 Goals

2010-01-05T14:33:00.003-06:00

1. Get control of our weight.

2. Get Kelly healthy, physically and emotionally.

3. Finish Frasier!

4. Build business.

5. Pay off one of our loans.

6. Finish kitchen cabinets.

7. Install new raised beds, and conquer tomatoes.

I'm noting these on the blog so that at the end of the year, I can see how we did.

Tip for saving those cell phone minutes

2009-10-26T15:25:00.000-05:00

If you have an awesome cell phone provider, like US Cellular, and have free incoming minutes, then here's a great way to save those minutes, even when you're calling out!

Get a google voice phone number. It's only by invite right now, so request yours as soon as you can. You can pick from any area code you want, and there are many other benefits of having one. Google is great.

Sign into your google voice account online, and use their "Call" feature. Type in the number you want to call. Google will then dial that number, and CALL YOU to connect you. Catch that?

It's an incoming call. I double-checked this (because it's too amazing to be true when you only have 100 minutes to last two more weeks), by checking my minutes before and after making a phone call this way. No minutes used!

Sweetness.

Real Estate Investing

2009-09-30T17:30:00.000-05:00

I'm going for it.

Oh, did you think I meant the investing? I only meant attending a meeting tomorrow!

That's all the nerve I have right now.

Being who I am, I have been swallowing and digesting data at an insane rate the last week, and one thing I have found is that there is a national real estate investor's association that has local chapters in us cities. I googled it and discovered that we have one in OKC. You can see the info here:

Planning for Retirement: Business Ideas that Tend to Thrive During a Recession

2009-09-23T14:09:00.000-05:00

My family has always had its own business. My grandfather was the true entrepreneur, and successfully started two small businesses, and also made (or lost) some of his money pursuing other ventures as well. Because of that, I see entrepreneurship - or alternative income - as the best way to succeed and be financially independent.

I've moved away and started my own family now, so I'm not as involved in the family business. Thankfully, though, I talk to my mom daily. Just like my grandfather, she's a True Entrepreneur, especially in that she possesses a keen business sense. (If you're in the market for a life coach, I know exactly who to refer.)

My husband and I have a goal to own land, a nice home, and be financially independent enough to semi-retire within the next decade. My mom is helping us get there. We come up with all sorts of ways to save money, use money and invest money.

Most recently, we've been exploring how to take advantage of a down market. It may be a recession, but all good entrepreneurs know that any market shifts can create new trends or put certain trends in higher demand. It's a matter of discerning which new needs you can address in the form of a service or product.

Some ideas include:

Cheap entertainment solutions (i.e., used books, lounges)
Home-delivered products, Direct-to-home services
Grocery Store (either discount or niche)
Scooter, Bicycle sales
Tax Preparer
Financial Advisor to businesses, families
Family Financial Counselor (budgeting, debt reduction, etc.)
Discount or thrift clothing stores
Alterations
Shoe Repair
Auto Reapir/Used Car Sales
DIY - related (either providing the service, or providing services to help people DIY)
Garden - related (i.e. equipment, services)
Micro-farming (in your backyard, a client's yard, etc.)
Any 'green' or 'eco-friendly' service or product
Home Safe sales
Self-Defense Weapons
Pawn Shop
Trading Assistant (on ebay)
Repo business
Debt -related (i.e., protection services, collection)
Home Staging
Purchase trouble/foreclosed properties and businesses
Relocation-related (i.e., truck rental, packing supplies, relocation services)
Temp Employment Agency
Continuing Education and Job Skills Training
Life Coaching
Resume-writing
Any informational website about any topic on this list
Teach seminars, write a book or e-book about any topic on this list
Conversion of big business to local business service (i.e. banks, insurance)
Sales and Marketing Consultation
Budget Analysis/Cost Reduction
Indpedent Contracting/Outsourcing services for almost any corporate department
Invest in energy, utility or public safety
Elder Care or other healthcare-related service
Any home-based business in any of the above

Remember that in a recession, people will not stop spending money. They begin looking for more value. Your business should offer an innovative solution to a recession-specific need, or an alternative product that they no longer think they can afford.

For example, most people are feeling a budget crunch right now. They don't have as much discretionary money, and some even feel the stress of living paycheck-to-paycheck, not knowing if they can afford to pay the bills. A unique service you can offer during this time would be the skill of budgeting. Not very many Americans know how to create and stick to a household budget. You could create a niche website offering this information, create traffic, and earn money off AdSense or affiliate products. You could also create e-books to sell online. If you are better with face-to-face interaction, offer budgeting services and advice.

More and more people are having to cut their clothing expenses, but they still want new clothes. You could offer them an alternative: open an up-scale consignment shop, or a website that coordinates a clothing exchange.

The possibilities are endless, and are only limited by imagination. Now if, like me, you aren't particularly creative or imaginative, then the key is research. Ask anyone who will humor you, Google until you can't touch another key, and open your eyes as you run errands. The ideas will come to you, and the idea that sticks is yours to own. Whatever interests you most is surely the avenue to pursue.

The next step would be...yes, research. You'd need to figure out whether you have the courage, capital, know-how and time to make your idea into a money-making business. It took my grandfather 5 years to make his business profitable. He worked full-time as a firefighter and built up his business on the side. But after those 5 years he was able to quite his day-job and enjoy the fruit of his labor. Maybe one day we will too.

More resources:

Do The Mashed Potato

2009-09-22T15:52:00.000-05:00

I made an entirely-too-large batch of mashed potatoes for lunch today, and wondered what to do with it. Since I have a frugal (read: make more work for myself) mindset, I really didn't want to throw it away.

Here are some options I came up with:

Freeze it
Use it to thicken and flavor a soup or stew
Make potato cakes
Make potato soup
Make mashed potato rolls
Make gnocchi
Use it to make Shepherd's Pie

Honestly, after making an involved lunch I wasn't too keen on any of the ideas that started with the word "Make" or "Use", so I'm opting for freeze it.

Many people cautioned against this, saying that thawed mashed potatoes can turn out runny or mealy (that is, gross). The people who said their mashed potatoes turned out just fine made their potatoes with a lot of fatty ingredients like butter, cheese, sour cream, milk, etc.

Now, my mashed potatoes are usually chalk full of goodies like that, but I don't want to eat runny, mealy potatoes and it's not worth wasting a whole batch in experimenting. So I divided my potatoes into two smaller quart-sized freezer bags and then froze them. I plan to use them to thicken my soups/stews, make shepherd's pie, or potato soup. I'll let you know how it turns out!

For more information:

http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/528070

http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf802857.tip.html

http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/good-questions/how-do-i-freeze-potatoes-good-questions-095567

Summer

2009-07-23T09:03:00.002-05:00

Blogger is not working. If you want to see more pics go to my facebook page!

Taxi

2009-02-27T09:35:00.001-06:00

February

2009-02-27T08:54:00.010-06:00

Earlier this month: He's sporting Daddy's work shoes.

I don't know. He only asked if he could take off his shoes, and that sounded innocent enough...

My cilantro, chives and parsley sprouted! Green feeds my soul!

I love tulips, too.

And Joseph gave me some for Valentine's Day! I also got some beautiful daisies, carnations and roses from my wonderful Aaron.

Sorry there aren't more pics from our trip to FTW, but this is what intrigued me: Have you ever wondered about grass? In the springtime, does new grass grow out of the ground, or does the old grass become green? It may be obvious, but I don't know. This is Exhibit A, though.

For Chrystoval.

The best dinner I've had in a long time. I marinated chicken breasts overnight in a mixture of olive oil, fresh lime, the zest from the lime, cilantro, salt, pepper and garlic. Aaron grilled it just right and we served it with black beans and Keely's Perfectly Cooked Brown Rice, adding a good amount of butter and salt to taste.

I Email Aaron

2009-02-16T16:22:00.000-06:00

"My knight in shining armor doesn't rescue me from dragons, or even bad guys with guns. My knight in shining armor barges through the door valiantly bearing a huge smile, dinner, and endless patience and optimism. He only cringes slightly at, but recovers quickly from, hearing the grim stories his fair lady tells him of her perils: a baby who cries for 2 hours, poops, and then pees so much that the poop seeps out the diaper and onto every surface in or near the crib; a little boy who can't understand "no" (and instead throws huge fits or cries terribly from disappointment), but is still so good-hearted that he gives his little sister her stuffed animals to play with...while she's in the bath tub; a leaky poopy diaper that drips onto the rug that now needs to be cleaned; and fingers that still smell like poop even after a good scrubbing.

This is what my Knight in shining armor is coming up against. Anyone want the job??"

Remember, Remember

2009-02-10T09:38:00.004-06:00

I want (need) to remember the best day of motherhood so far. It happened last Friday and it was glorious.

I got home that morning, from working out, and Aaron and I were chatting. We always recap the previous night, and so I asked, "Did you get up with Emma at all last night?", because (miraculously) I hadn't. "No", he answered. Shock hit my face, and then tears welled up in my eyes. I promise I'm not this emotional normally. Really.

But Emma had just slept her first full night of sleep. 12 hours of gracious rest.

I'd been waiting 14 months for her to sleep more than 6 hours at a time (she often only slept 4 hours at a time). And we got 12 hours! It's cheesy to blog about how relieved and excited I was to realize she'd slept so long, but this was a mile-marker that was months and months overdue, and it felt life-changing. Don't blame me for being so dramatic about this - sleep is powerful, and a lack of it is even more powerful.

Joseph also contributed on The Best Day of Motherhood.

You need to know that, on a whim, I've been working on a few sight words with Joseph. I'm not pushing him, or expecting him to read before he's 3 or anything; just some fun to see how he does and to get him in the habit of learning. So, written on his index cards are the words "God", "the", "Daddy", "Mama", "Emma" and "Joseph" - words I thought he'd see often enough to have them stick. We try to practice everyday, around the same time we practice his catechism questions.

Well, later the same morning we discovered Emma had found Rest, Joseph was eating a snack in his booster seat, facing the refrigerator. I was washing dishes. He said, "Mama! 'The'! 'The', Mama!" Huh? I asked him to explain and he said the same thing, pointing to the refrigerator. I couldn't believe he might be pointing to an actual word, so I picked him up, and asked him to show me what he meant. Sure enough, right there on a piece of paper on the refrigerator was the word "The", and he pointed to it again and said "'The', Mama!"

He read his first word!!!

I'm not one to sit around gloating about my children, holding strangers captive with pictures and stories of their excellence, beauty and superiority. I try to be realistic. I know I'm biased, after all.

But my little boy read his first word all by himself at 2 1/2!!! I'm so proud I could just burst. I was beaming at Joseph! He made me full of a joy that I couldn't explain. I know it was just a word, but I was awe-struck by him.

After that, I thought about God, and wondered if He delights in His children the same way. Does He beam at our successes and our victories? Does He celebrate with us those tiny things we accomplish, as if we'd just conquered the whole world? Is He proud of our efforts, and rejoicing over our progress?

I had a great day on Friday. I really felt like a Mama. Not a new Mama. But a Mama whose whole life has always been about her children: offering her soft body for hugs, her time for their learning, and reserving her special smiles for them. The rest of my long life will be about their successes, their efforts and failures.

How is it that mothers do that? Give up so much for their children? I know my Mom did. She still does. We're grown up and away from home, but I still hear the smile in her voice as she congratulates me on finally folding the laundry, or not losing my temper with the kids. And, of course, my own children have become her life as well. Surely this is the image of God in us? To so love the ones we created, and for whom we've sacrificed so much, that our own happiness disappears and theirs takes its place?

I'm grateful when I can think like this. It's the sane reminder on days, like today, when I'm not just suspicious (but convinced!) that their existence is to make mine difficult. Why do their noses leak soooo much?! Why does he have the urge to hit everything, including his sister?! Why is she hungry (and cranky) every hour today?!

Yes, reminders are good.

Emma's First Outlasting Session

2009-02-02T15:53:00.003-06:00

Poor Emma. The "session" ended because she couldn't stay awake anymore. What caused all this? "Take a drink."

We were eating lunch and Emma signed for a drink. I handed her the sippy cup full of a raspberry-lemon fizzy drink I want her to drink. She pushed it away! A light bulb went off in my head, so I said, "Here, Emma, it's yummy. Take a drink." And she whined/screamed a bit and pushed it away. Aha! She knew what I wanted! I'm all for training a baby to have manners as long as I'm convinced they're able to do what I'm asking. And I'd rather be safe than sorry, so I've waited on this one. But I didn't wait long after that.

So, I settled comfortably into my chair, made a slight grimace toward Aaron (who said, "you're going to do it?"), and I said, "No, no, Emma, take a drink.". My voice was pleasant, but the command alone was negative enough for Emma to start crying her shrill, angry cry.

Within fifteen minutes of my relentless but oh-so-pleasant requests, she took a drink! I have gained a tiny bit of wisdom though, and I knew that only half (or less than half) the battle was over. I asked her to take another drink. :) Of course, she absolutely refused and got angry. (We also got to practice "no screaming" quite a bit!)

I think about an hour into it she gave up and took a drink. But she's tricky, and didn't actually drink, just put her lips on the spout. When I said, "No, sweetheart, you need to take a drink.", it started up again, and she refused. It's sweet raspberry-lemon for crying out loud! :) But Emma didn't want it and Emma wasn't going to have it. Period.

About 1 1/2 hours into it, she began getting really sleepy and staring at the wall. Oh no. We called a truce and she's asleep now. I imagine I'll ask her again when she wakes up, and the process will start again.

It's funny that when Joseph was around the same age as Emma is now, he learned the same lesson. It was painful for both of us. I was not quite as practiced or patient; and he was much more stubborn and passionate than Emma. It's all about principles with Joseph: he did not want me telling him what to do - it didn't matter that he was thirsty (with Emma this is just a taste preference, I think). We sat there together for 3 1/2 hours, and then he just. Changed. He took a drink when I asked him. And every time after. And despite all the 2yo things he's going through now, I smile when I notice that he has never once hesitated when I tell him to take a drink. Some things stick, I guess. :)

Karina is 7!!!!

2009-01-26T08:13:00.001-06:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, KARINA!!!

We love you! :)

Commonsense Investing

2009-01-21T08:18:00.006-06:00

Aaron and I have big dreams, and we spend a lot of time trying to figure out ways to accomplish them. From what we can tell, it's a good thing to think outside the box. So, in December, Aaron and I began investing in the stock market. (With this economy, don't you think that's outside the box?) We actually don't care much about making money; we want to educate ourselves now so that (hopefully) in the future we could use the stock market to make real money.

I can be candid with the figures, since, come on, who cares about our $500? So, we deposited this $500 into our new account to begin trading. In a little less than two months, we've made an almost 45% profit on that initial investment. Every day or so, I log into our account and see a chart on the home page that graphs the value of our account. I get excited watching it fluctuate up or down, and have been happy to see such a profit in two months, even if it doesn't add up to much money.

So, as of yesterday, our account was valued at $722. Well, Aaron and I had an extra check from work on our hands (which happens twice a year). We decided to go ahead and deposit it into our trading account. Here's what the graph looked like when I logged on this morning:

HOLY SMOKE!, I thought. Look at the jump!

Of course, this huge leap in the value of our account is not because of huge gains in our stock positions, but simply because we deposited more money. But that's when it hit me. We increased our assets in this account by 343% just by not spending the extra money.

I make myself dizzy sometimes trying to think of another way to earn more money for our family. But I could never underestimate the value in saving and being frugal. It is amazing how much money you give yourself by not spending $50/month. It's easy to lose the true value of it. But time and time again, I realize that the best and first thing Aaron and I can do to achieve our dreams is to continue to cook from scratch, buy groceries from the sale ad, have Aaron repair our vehicles, say no to luxuries, etc. It saves (earns) us hundreds and hundreds of dollars in one month.

It may not be complex or sophisticated, but it does make sense. :)

Christmastime

2009-01-08T11:22:00.012-06:00

Most recent first:

Getting ready to leave FTW...

It was so beautiful while we were in FTW, we rode the 5 mile Train. J was ecstatic. Emma was hypnotized.

The Train.

Cowboy Joe. (That's the only "Joe" reference I want to give to my son.)

Sweet Emmaline.

Papa gave lawn mower rides to the grandkids.

Uncle Donnie and Aunt Carley gave Emma her first Cabbage Patch Doll: Isabel. Emma loves her.

Just before Christmas, we went to Branson with Aaron's family. We stayed at a really nice condo. On the last day it was 4 degrees! Aaron borrowed this hat, and scared the daylights out of his daughter.

While there, we also dealt with obscene amount of vomit. This is me afraid. Very afraid.

Joseph got sick, and had to sleep on the kitchen floor of the condo. We were consoling him.

We had a lovely time this year, but it was hard. The kids were sick with a stomach thing for over a week (part of which was in Branson). Just after Christmas, while we were in Fort Worth, Aaron and I got sick with a bad respiratory Something. We concluded that 2008 was a year full of sickness for our family, and ended accordingly. :)

But Jesus is still here, still King, and still worth celebrating! Praise God!

Winter takes us inward

2009-01-06T14:43:00.001-06:00

I'm bad. I've been looking at houses. Again.

At first I thought, I'll look at land around here. Then I became nostalgic, and looked for homes in Norman. Then homes with land in Norman. Then Broken Arrow. It's never a good idea for me to do this. But I do.

If I knew with all of my heart exactly where I wanted to be, I don't think it would be a negative thing to do (or, as negative). But I don't know where I want to be. I don't like the idea of any of these places, really. Will I ever like ANY place? Or is it some unreal idea I want?

I do know I want to love my life. And that can happen right now. If I break habits and get productive. If I get off the comoputer. If I drink more water. If I hold my tongue and smile more. Talk about a "day of small things"....an entirely different life lies in wait for me. And it's made up of seemingly small decisions which are not nearly as attractive or magnificent as the life I want.

I loathe irony.

Why Defaulting on Your Mortgage is an Option

2008-12-16T13:36:00.002-06:00

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Banking/YourCreditRating/why-lenders-might-forgive-your-debt.aspx

Remember, the very first qualification for any of these programs is that you must be defaulting on your mortgage. Catch the irony in all of this?

My Bias is Showing

2008-12-11T14:54:00.003-06:00

Poor Starbucks.

Now, McDonald's and Dunkin' Doughnuts are attacking Starbucks. It is understandable for them to make their move now: it's best to get them while they're down.

But I have to go "public" (ha! who reads this?!) and take my stand.

If I'm going to spend my discretionary money on coffee, I want to spend it well. If I want coffee, I do not want to spend $1.50 at McDonald's for a cup of coffee that tastes just as terrible as what I'd make at home. In fact, I've been doing just that. I'm making off-brand vanilla nut coffee (found in the back of the freezer with an '07 date on it), throwing in some milk and sweetener and drinking my utilitarian cup all the way to the bottom.

But if I am going to buy coffee, I want good coffee. I want to go to people whose business it is to make coffee. And Starbucks is good. They're good at what they do. They can ask $3.00 for my tall latte, because that's their expertise. I may be going out less to give them my $3, but they deserve my coffee money. Not McDonald's.

McDonald's and Dunkin' Dougnuts are not appealing to coffee drinkers. They're appealing to Americans who are typical lazy, fast-fooders; they don't care about the quality of food or drink. Just give it to me cheap.

It's a different customer. For that reason, I do think Starbucks will hold out to the end. They may not make it, but they'll die a noble death.

Work Left to Do

2008-12-11T10:00:00.001-06:00

I'm working out at the Y, and trying to do my low-carb thing.

But today, Joseph walked up to me, while I was sitting in a chair. He patted my belly and said, "Mama full! Mama belly full!".

Sigh.

Benham in the News

2008-12-11T09:54:00.001-06:00

My Aaron is working on this project!

Remembering

2008-12-08T11:02:00.002-06:00

Today, after we dropped Aaron off at work, Joseph was looking out the window of the van. It is a very windy day.

He said, "Mama, leaves running!"

"The leaves are running?"

"Yes! The leaves are running from the trees!"

He knows better poetry than I do.

Night, Night Emma

2008-12-08T10:19:00.006-06:00

Operation: Exhaustion

Goal: To relieve our family of the miseries associated with a sleepless baby

The Plan: During Emma's morning and afternoon naps, and at bedtime, she will be nursed, rocked and sung to (as usual), then, once relaxed, she will be put in crib. I will lay her down, cover her up, and say "Go night night Emma". Each time her head pops up, or she raises her knees or bottom, I will gently push her head/bottom down and repeat "Go night night Emma". Repeat, repeat, repeat until she is asleep.

We'll continue this as long as it takes, until she will lie still and fall asleep. We'll progress from standing over her, next to the crib, to standing further and further away (closer to the door) each night/naptime.

Updates are below!

Sun. 12/14: Too hyper.

Sat. 12/13: Did not nap well (Meme and Papa here!). Right to bed at 7:40 with Meme. I nursed her (woke HER up) at 12:00 and 3:00, then she's up at 7:30.

Fri. 12/12: PM nap let her move a bit more (bottom wiggling, head turning); took so long! When I made sure to keep her bottom still and head facing same direction, she was out in 5 minutes! Up at 10:00pm, 12:00, 2:00 and 7:00. Ick.

Thurs. 12/11: At naps, nursed her much longer, and did night-night shorter. Worked! Fussed to sleep, woke several times until 12:00. Slept til 5:00. woke a couple times. up at 6:45.

Wed. 12/10: Better naps. Let her fuss for morning nap. Did my night-night strategy for pm nap and bedtime. Went to bed late, woke up at midnight. Slept from 12:00-7:00. woo hoo!

Tues. 12/9: Okay. Going through growth spurt, so short naps, lots of eating, and generally cranky. Woke a LOT that night.

Mon. 12/8: Don't remember. I think it was bad.

Sun. 12/7: Good day! Had a BM and everything better after that. Did not do "night night emma", let her fuss to sleep for naps and bedtime. Asleep at 7:30pm. Woke at 4:30am, only wanted to nurse one side. Right back to sleep. Awake at 7:00am. Progress!

Sat. 12/6: Baaad day. Would not take afternoon nap. Cried, babbled, fought. Went straight to sleep at bedtime, but kept waking every hour. Woke at 3:00, did not go back to sleep until 5:00! Stomach problems.

Fri. 12/5: is getting faster (15-20 minutes til asleep). Slept wonderfully last night! Went to sleep at 8:30 pm. Woke at 4:30am. only wanted to nurse one side, for a short while. Calm, relaxed, straight back to sleep. Woke at 7:30am!!!

Thurs. 12/4: same

Wed. 12/3: same

Tuesday, 12/2: Day one. Takes 30-45 min. of falling asleep. Sometimes she cries. Works every time though!

Double Speak

2008-12-08T09:59:00.002-06:00

"Wall Street put an upbeat spin Friday on the government's report that the nation lost more than half a million jobs last month. Stocks reversed early losses and closed sharply higher as the data raised hopes that Washington will again step in to help the economy."
http://biz.yahoo.com/ap/081205/wall_street.html?.v=95

It says what?!

We lost 500,000 jobs last month. Wall Street found this comforting, because they see that as a sign that the government will give out even more money. So stocks went up.

Insanity.

I'm getting Orwellian goosebumps!

2008-12-06T21:42:00.001-06:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuAuPXYT8No&eurl=http://www.gcnlive.com/NewsStory/RonPaul.html

Aaron wanted me to post this. It's Ron Paul saying this stuff, for crying out loud!

I'm Thankful for Husbands of the Aaron Variety

2008-11-26T21:14:00.009-06:00

Let me tell you about him.

He oos and ahhs over a birthday cake his wife made him.

He even poses for a picture with it!

He doesn't mind that he's only blowing out 10 candles because I ran out of time. (I racked my foggy brain for a good reason for 10 candles and came up blank!)

He goes to the trouble to learn plumbing so that he can install our beautiful, new (huge!) sink. (That's granite, people! Free upgrade. I'm super glad she got my order wrong.)

He does a great job.

Even with the kids playing on him while he works.

And he loves our children with all his heart.

From headstrong, sensitive Joseph...

to spirited, fiesty Emmaline.

I also have to mention that husbands of the Aaron variety do other, truly amazing things. He doesn't always say what's on his mind ("The house looks the same as it did this morning - messy."); he sends me to bed and he does the dishes; he forgives me when, for the third time in two weeks, I leave the door wide open when I left; he doesn't grimace or groan when, for the umpteenth time, I say "can we go out for dinner?". Now that's love.

Oh. And he's also as handsome as they come. I've got it all.

The System

2008-11-26T11:25:00.004-06:00

Healthcare has certainly gone downhill. And I don't mean that it's a shame we don't have Socialistic Universal Healthcare.

I received the bills for our little ER trip a few weeks ago. Sheesh. You'd think I took Joseph in for surgery and went to the spa while I was at it. The hospital charged us $180.95. I will confess that I ignorantly thought this was the total for our visit. A few days later, I received the bill for Dr. Jamil Bitar, charging us $279.00!

My biggest problem with this is that I never met a Dr. Jamil Bitar.

He sent his Physician's Assistant to take care of it. I want a flippin' discount for letting the rookie treat my child. But no.

I have learned over the last few years that "no" is not such a terrible word to hear, and asking for something that seems ridiculous could pay off. So, I called the hospital to ask if I could pay less than the bill. "Sure", Lily told me. And I paid $162.86. She wouldn't go lower. Then I called Phoenix Physican Services and asked the same thing. "Sure", Stacey told me. I paid $223.20.

I saved $73.89 just by asking.

If anyone has any other tips to save money on high hospital bills, I'm all ears. And don't tell me "Get insurance". I'll laugh like a maniac if you do. We've saved thousands of dollars in 3 years by not having insurance. Puh-lease.

Oh, and don't tempt with me "don't pay". It's working way too well with American homeowners right now!

Edited to add: Let me just say that we actually do have Catastrophic health insurance, which covers incidents that will cost more than (I think) $5,000. But for meeting our health care needs, paying cash has saved us a lot. And we're free to make decisions how we want to make them.

In Defense of the Three Piece Suit

2008-11-25T10:03:00.006-06:00

I can't imagine how often the topic of men's wear will come up, but it's making its appearance today.

Enter: The Three Piece Suit.

It's lovely, isn't it? Crisp and clean, with its perfect symmetry and class, and always smelling of starch. If you happen to be from the South, then you just might imagine what I do: my grandfather his very best three piece suits each Sunday morning to Church, the smell of his after-shave inevitably lingering on the collar and becoming one with the Suit.

I loved Sunday mornings. They were Special. The morning routine was special. We woke up a little later than normal, and went about getting ready and having breakfast a bit more slowly than usual. When we woke, my grandfather would be sitting in his chair, already dressed in his spiffy three piece suit (how did he do that?!), watching PBS; while we played Christian music down in our rooms.

The food was special, too. Breakfast might have been a free for all (cereal, anyone?), but there was always the extra bustle of my mother and grandmother preparing for Sunday Lunch. There was meat to be browned and put into the oven, or hamburger patties to be seasoned by Papa. My mom might have mixed up the baked beans before we left, and Meme might have set out the plates and made the tea.

Of course, what we wore was special, too. Mom was careful to encourage us to wear our nicest dresses and skirts, and the only person who looked better than my lovely Meme was my handsome Papa. I'm telling you - nothing beats a three piece suit.

Why is it, then, that people are knocking the Suit? It's rare to see people wearing them to church nowadays, or anywhere, for that matter. The culture has become overwhelmingly casual in their approach to life. People are casual in their relationships, finances, responsibilities and committments. One day fades into the next. Anything is appropriate. Not very many things are special.

I miss having special things.

I'm defending the notion that the Lord's Day is very special, and that you should make it so. Clothes have always, always been a vehicle for communicating our feelings about an event or occasion. If we believe the event commonplace, we wear common clothes; if we believe the event is celebratory, we wear clothes that are festive; if we believe the event is somber, we wear somber clothes. Likewise, if we believe the event is special, we wear our best clothes.

So many churches are claiming they want people to "come as they are", but I can't recall God speaking that way about His people coming to worship Him. I see it described as a wonderful, special, holy event that required wonderful, special and holy (set apart) clothes to match the spirit of the occasion.

(Please note that I think the New Testament shows how Jesus frees us to fulfill the spirit of the Law instead of only the letter; meaning that wearing one's best is important, but what that may actually look like is not. My best is not Laura Bush's best. And the homeless lady's best is not my best. In that sense, I sincerely believe in coming as you are.)

Now, if that was all I had to say, I wouldn't have gone to the trouble to write about it. After all, the Bible is complicated, and it can be difficult to understand what God means. What binds us together is trusting in Jesus. Not what we wear to church. So, I would have acknowledged my views as just my opinion (because that's just what they are) and spent my 30 minutes another way. (I'll get to folding those clothes, eventually, Aaron!)

But it continues. Not only is it said that we shouldn't have to dress up at church, but, sadly, dressing up can be condemned and discouraged. Because if you dress up you aren't coming as you are.

It's one thing to believe people have freedom to wear what they please. It's quite another to say people only have the freedom to wear what I think they should wear. That's quite inconsistent with the notion of coming as you are. It's true that Jesus sets us free, but humans enslave us.

So, I'm defending the man who wants to wear that three piece suit to church. Whether you're wearing it because you want to wear your best, or just because you know you look so darn handsome. Have at it.

Calling All Commonsense Economists

2008-11-25T09:16:00.004-06:00

The government "rescued" Citigroup. Have you noticed how we hear about the "Government" doing it when they want to spend really big bucks, but that it's the "taxpayers' money" when they don't think it's prudent (i.e. the automakers)? It reminds of Caesar's clever use of the passive and active voice. And never mind that the government is not doing at all what the citizens want done with their money. (Pausing to catch my breath.) I suppose there's no use getting riled up over another issue, when I already intend to get riled up over another. On to the point...

What would have happened if they let Citigroup fail? I'm still confused about why their response is better than letting the company go under.

I would think that if Citigroup failed, then the company would go bankrupt, all of the employees would lose their jobs, and stock investors would lose their money. But what about all the bad assets it holds? Would the people with mortgages get away scott free? I mean, if I understand this mortgage thing right, then Citigroup already paid the home seller, and the buyer is now paying Citigroup. Is there another company Citigroup borrowed the money from? If so, would the mortgage holders begin paying them? Or would they have a free house? And if they did, would that solve some of the "problems" the government is trying to tackle with the housing industry?

I may be ignorant, but I am willing to think about these things.

Despite all the details of the situation, I still don't understand how it will help the economy to give Citigroup billions of dollars that don't actually exist, but which somehow will be taken from the taxpayer, so that some people don't lose their jobs. Doesn't that make the situation worse by taxing the person you want to spend money, and enabling the companies who enabled consumers to overextend their credit, causing this whole mess? All to save some jobs?

Ah, yes. There is the stock holder. The Common Man. The Man Who Needs Protection from Everything. I suppose they believe that it is imperative that he not lose any of the money that he willingly invested, knowing full well the risks involved?

Still.

Where's the silver lining? It'd better be good.

Choosing A Title Was My Least Favorite Part of English Class

2008-11-14T20:25:00.010-06:00

Aaron (referring to empty garage): "I wish I could see that again."

So I click the back button and show him again.

The famous Closing Sandwich - given to us by our Vietnamese previous owner, who loves these asian sandwiches by Lee's.

One fine Sunday...

Joseph likes to sneak off to explore and discover. And brush his teeth.

Emma eats!

A tiny glimpse of fall.

Moving day. Joseph still mentions the time "Daddy and Jo-Jo ride in the Big Truck!"

What do you listen to?

2008-11-14T10:34:00.004-06:00

Cindy, at her blog, Dominion Family, wrote yesterday about how she goes about choosing which music to listen to. It's exciting to finally stumble upon someone who says something you wish you could say, but can't. She has a great one-liner, that I think packs a lot of punch:

"It is a mess of a lot easier to ban music from the home than practice and learn discernment. "

It's important to read the whole post, so that you know the context in which she wrote that sentence. In a nutshell, though, that's why Aaron and I listen to all sorts of music. We want o be wise and learn how to discern what is Good, what is Encouraging, what is Beautiful, and what is a Stumbling Block.

YMCA - Take Two

2008-11-14T10:04:00.003-06:00

You just know that it had to keep going, right? There had to be more to the story. Comedies are usually more than one act. I should have remembered that.

This morning, I walked into the aerobics room and was greeted with a "Back for more torture are you?" from a friendly older gentleman. I smiled sideways and mumbled something in the affirmative, then went over to say hi to Obama. I asked him if anyone has ever told him that he looked like Obama. Only once. "But you're much better looking than him!", some other woman added. We all laughed. I thought things were going well.

Mr. Obama told me that today's class is a bit different than Wednesday's (oh yeah...didn't I see something like that on the calendar?). Apparently, Friday's are more about working our "core", so we use the exercise ball a lot. The Exercise Ball. I inwardly cringed and tried to breathe normally.

We "warmed up" the first 20 minutes to Zumba, a kind of Latino-like aerobics. Ironically, it was a lot like the dancing I did in Peru almost 4 years ago, the last time I was in any kind of shape at all. I lost 30 pounds in 3 months dancing in Martha and Enrique's living room. I loved it.

But I'm feeling self-conscious Zumba-ing in front of all these strangers ("Okay! Now shake the booty! Shake the booty!"). I did it half-heartedly, which is all I could have done anyway, since I was so out of breath.

Then we got those silly exercise balls out. I was the last in line, and it was the last ball in the closet. It felt a bit flat, but what was I going to do? So I took it. She told us to sit on the ball, put bands on our feet, lay on the ball, roll across the ball, put our hands on the floor, and do push-ups. By the time I got myself on the blasted ball, they were already getting up to do something else!

It was when I was laying on the ball that I noticed how flat mine really was - it was halfway deflated when I was on top. I either weighed an extraordinary amount more than the others (something I couldn't help but consider), or I had the Lemon.

Next thing was "dips" using our ball. We were to sit on the ball, roll forward and off of the ball, hanging on from the back with our hands, and go up and down. Well, mine was so flat that everytime I tried my hands would roll off!!!

I was beginning to get a bit frustrated, but made it through to the end (it's a comedy, after all). I'm turning around, headed for my water bottle and a rest, when everyone starts running around the room! Really. Running. The instructor tells everyone to hop to it, we've got 3 minutes left. You've got to be kidding me. Is this optional? Will Grandma at least sit out so that I'm not the only one? Nope. Grandma starts running too. So I've got no choice. There I go, running laps around the big room - something I haven't done since P.E. in 9th grade.

I finally stopped when I got so hot I felt like I needed to sit down. I kept muttering "ridiculous" to myself. I'm not sure if I thought the class was ridiculous or I was, but it doesn't matter. I did it! And my shirt wasn't even inside out. Things are looking up.

White Out

2008-11-14T09:57:00.003-06:00

Anyone remember Joseph's art work with the red Marks-a-Lot last summer? He wrote all over our chair, couch and desk. Fortunately, Rose was there and knew how to clean it in a jiffy!

I should have known, when he came into my room to let me know that he was going to "clean it", that something was fishy. But, being the thick-headed type, I finished what I was doing and moseyed into the front living room. And there he stood. With the white-out in hand. And white-out all over our big picture window and window sill. And more on a bookshelf. And on Emma's hands. And on his mouth. Who knows where else?

I promptly freaked out and put the kids to bed and swept the house looking for more damage. I haven't found anything else...so far. I'm sure Aaron will later. : /

It came off the window just fine, and the top of a bookshelf that still had a lot of finish on it, but the window sill is a goner. Sigh. We were thinking of sanding it down and refinishing anyway. I guess now that's a definite.

Lesson to learn: Watch your children. How many times have I "learned" this lesson? Countless. Maybe this time it will sink in!

The Y-M-C-A

2008-11-12T14:39:00.004-06:00

I will uncomfortably confess that we joined the YMCA and I went to my first aerobics class this morning. (I will not let myself go so far as to gain 20 pounds after Emma's birth, so I had to make my move when it hit the 19.66 pounds mark.) I'm only posting this because I want a reminder that laughing at yourself can be a good and healthy thing.

Monday was a Bad Day. It was the kind of day that God probably wanted to be a comedy, but I turned it into a Tragedy. Most of the trouble happened in Target (a really good public place, you know?). I tripped, I spilled, my hair was sticking up, Emma had no shoes and only one sock, I went through 4 carts before I gave up and stuck them in anyway, I talked too loudly, dropped a posterboard, stepped on a posterboard, shoved the posterboard, held the posterboard, almost tore the posterboard, cursed(!) the posterboard. You get the drift, I guess.

Well, it was probably hilarious. It reminds me of the french woman who couldn't help but snicker when Tami told her it was something like 45 o'clock. I should have laughed like Tami. I should have at least smiled like Tami. But I didn't. I took myself way too seriously and I fumed all day.

God gave me a second try today. And I'll tell you about it.

The class began at 6:00. I walk in, wearing my trendiest workout pants and a t-shirt. Turns out I'm the youngest one there by at least 10 years. And my shirt's on inside out. The teacher tells me I am at a step interval class (what is that?!), and that I should just get the lightest weights and lowest step. I followed the herd and did that.

You know, it really wasn't that bad. It's just that everyone in there had wrinkles and grey hair and whooped my 25-year-old booty. I had to take breaks and watch Grandma hoppin' to the beat on her 3 riser step. I got 2 pound weights and felt the burn. Mr. I-look-like-Obama Businessman had 15 pound weights and did extras. Oh, and I couldn't keep in sync with the others, who were all on a first name basis, and I fell off my 2 inch step one time. I think I did blush that time.

The kicker was when the teacher passed out resistance bands. She had us step on them, then raise them up and behind our heads to tone our triceps. I kept trying and trying but couldn't pull mine any higher than the waist. I kept wondering if she gave me the wrong one. Was it too short? Too taut? I mean, really, I pulled with all my might and it wouldn't budge. Obama's looked so much longer than mine.

So this was all very embarrassing. But it was so much fun! I smiled to myself many times and congratulated myself for the victory in that. I couldn't even keep up with Grandma in aerobics class. That is hilarious and I recognize it for what it is. I'm going back on Friday. I hope I'm still laughing then.

OBU update

2008-11-10T23:01:00.003-06:00

I was so depressed when I went to OBU, and missed my best friend so much, that I was prone to sending obnoxiously long e-mails. I would outline each and every detail of my day, and include lengthy commentary to boot. Chrystal says she loved them.

Now, I am still prone to writing obnoxiously long blog posts, but, alas, no one will pipe in and say they love them. The real demand is for cute kid pictures. I know their priority.

But I can't sleep tonight. A few minutes ago I was rocking Emma and decided I might as well blog. About nothing.

What I thought about today:
If I didn't discuss three things, I wouldn't gossip. 1. Who's mad. 2. Who's suffering. 3. Who's in love. That covers most of it.

What I googled today:
1. "can't lose weight while nursing"
2. "Love is Kind"
3. "target in edmond ok"
4. "cramp at night in child"
5. "real estate elkmont, al" (no, we're not moving - it's just window shopping...)

What I did today (not in order):
1. Folded two loads of laundry while watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. And I put them away.
2. Took my husband to work, drove to chiropractor, managed to unload two small children in monsoon, get back adjusted (ahh), reload two small children in monsoon, get lost looking for video place, return home.
3. Enjoyed an Egg Nog Latte while husband enjoyed a Carmel Hot Chocolate. Indulge.
4. Sold a dishwasher for $175, which was given to us for free.
5. Read "Love is Kind" 10 times to my sweet little boy who now knows several sight words: rude, brag, selfish, love, truth, hope.
6. Made a scrumptious dinner of tomato soup and grilled cheese, with pepperoni slices - just the way Aaron likes it.
7. Wiped feet numerous times on towel in laundry room, cursing my laziness in not sweeping, and making a mental note to get a rug.
8. Put up small stick LED lights in hutch - accent lighting!
9. Finished off the rest of my experimental banana pudding. Not bad for a first try, but Meme has much to teach me.
10. Dreamed of being in the country, after I saw an ad on craigslist for Rhode Island Red laying hen. Good ol' Red. I miss her.
11. Watched (for the 10th time?) Dwight smash into a pole and puke all over his car, just to save Michael from a George Foreman grill foot injury. And for the 10th time, I laughed so hard I ran out of breath, and even managed to make Aaron giggle too.

Maybe I typed enough to make my body sleepy. Repetitive actions are supposed to help, right? Awfully strange, me not being sleepy. Maybe it was that extra sugar and caffeine in the latte???

First Bad Experience with a Dog

2008-11-09T17:05:00.002-06:00

So many firsts since we moved into our first home! I'm remembering a blog post back in spring...I think it had something to do with an "uneventful" year?

Earlier today, we were all lounging around the family room and Joseph began screaming. So, we gave what has become our standard reply: "Would you like to go outside and play, Joseph?". And to which Joseph said, "Yes!". Off he goes, tromping through our .25 acre backyard, exploring to his little hands' content.

Then he approached The Fence. We've told him about The Fence and The Unfriendly Dogs on the other side of it. But a boy's gotta do what a boy's gotta do. He stuck he finger into the hole in the fence.

I can only guess what actually happened, because I was inside, reclining on the couch and staving off a headache. All we heard were his pitiful screams and cries. Fortunately (thankfully!), Joseph was crying only because he was scared - there were no injuries to speak of this time. (Maybe because he's had such a wonderful experience with Tasha and Binka, he was shocked at these two dogs' behavior?) Anyhow, it took a few minutes of crying and shhing, and discussion of the "woud puppies", before he was ready to take off again, this time steering clear of The Fence.

First Trip to the ER

2008-11-06T17:14:00.004-06:00

I am a girl. My sister is a girl. My mother is a girl. Growing up, we never needed to go to the ER. (Except for the time my grandmother tried to ride our bicycle and broke her hip.) The worst injury I can remember getting was when I ran over my own finger while I was (seated) on a skateboard. Oh, and in 5th grade a girl at softball practice hit me in the nose with a bat. That's it. No bones broken; no gashes; no mislocated nothing.

Well, my Joseph is a boy. He acts like a boy. He explores like a boy. He runs like a boy. Today he ran like a boy, tripped like a boy, and hit his head on the frame of our bed, like a boy. He had a 1" - 1 1/2" gash just above and to the right of his eyebrow. I didn't panic, really. We can call it acting quickly.

I tried to see how deep the wound was, but Joseph was holding his hand to it, and (sorry if this is too much) there was smeared blood on the side of his head so I couldn't even really see the wound. I really didn't stop to find out anyway. I scooped him up and loaded him in the van (forgetting to dress the boy, who was only in a t-shirt!). I grabbed Emma, and my shoes, took one last look at the cleaner wound (yup - we're going to urgent care), and we zipped off in the mini-van.

I called a couple of people to double-check that I wasn't being a hypochondriac, but they didn't pick up. I called Aaron and convinced him to convince me that I did indeed need to take Joseph to the urgent care clinic.

The urgent care clinic confirmed that Joseph did indeed need 1-2 stitches or Dermabond, but informed me that (alas!) they are unable to do the deed because it requires a special pediatric restraining device to keep small children very still. Off to the Mercy Hospital ER they sent me.

Of course, I called Aaron to accompany me. I know my limits. I don't need to breakdown in an ER in Oklahoma, the state that sends the most children to foster care for "abuse" and "neglect". I needed Aaron for support. And plus, he looked more reputable in his work clothes than I did in my jeans and bloodied shirt.

Even though we offended the RN by confessing that Joseph has not received any immunizations ("None?""No - none. He's never been immunized." Eyebrow raises...), it still went well. We were in and out in 2 hours and were only forgotten once. Even better, they did not give him stitches! They used "steri-strips", like butterfly bandages, and a special adhesive.

We ended the ordeal with a special trip to Braum's for his first (official) treat. He had a Junior Chocolate Shake. And he loved it.

Today he had his first big injury. And he was brave, just like a boy. :)

New Blessings

2008-11-03T14:38:00.007-06:00

Funny how you never really know whether God is giving you a blessing or a curse; or whether God ever gives His elect curses; or whether it's even your business to scrutinize such things.

We're moved in. Please only take the most literal meaning of that word: our belongings are (just barely) on our property, but that's as far as it goes. Unpacking is reduced to a one-item-at-a-time strategy. We only found our toothbrushes 3 days after moving day.

There is so much left to do. Strangely enough, the most pressing of those things are about family matters, not the house. I have to figure this motherhood thing out - pronto. What is love? What is not? Where did sleep go? Where did my bed go? The way my day goes, I could throw out the clock, and that's not because I'm so in tune with the sun. Breakfast could be anywhere between 7:30 and 10:00, lunch from 11:00 and 2:00, and dinner 5:00 and 8:00. Naps are only as-needed. Whatever that means. I am so confused that I can't figure out what I'm all about. If you know me, that is big.

I'm perfectly willing to be brainwashed into a better perspective, I just don't have the discipline to do it. Laziness has been born out of tiredness, and I have so confused the two that I'm guilty about both. My poor children.

Emma is on the verge of walking. And Joseph is on the verge of sounding more like Mussolini than a 2yo. He's so passionate, but unrestrained. History tells me to beware. He needs Jesus. I need Jesus. I just can't seem to find Him right now. He's probably in one of those boxes I haven't unpacked. I only hope that I didn't leave Him back on Rosedale. Thanks be to God that I am His work, and He is not mine. For He who began this good work in me will be faithful to complete it.

Consider these a few before pictures. I'm praying that they'll be "after"s!

Lotion Mohawk from Brother

2008-09-16T18:05:00.001-05:00

Caught!

2008-09-16T18:02:00.000-05:00

More Piktors Part II

2008-09-05T16:03:00.021-05:00

Joseph woke up on his birthday and we sang to him - not a morning person (like Daddy)

French toast for B-Day breakfast!

Happy B-day, brother!

We got J a ball...

and a car AND a plane

B-day dinner at LaBaguette: one glass, two straws

After dinner, we went to the public pool. They have a great enclosed 2' pool for children with a fountain. Bad for the eyes, but great fun

Ah...

Emma enjoyed herself most of all - she could easily compete with Micahel Phelps

The second weekend in August we went back to FTW for a special dinner for our cousin...here's Papa!

No words.

Awkward 4 generations picture. I tried 10 times. It's no use.

My cousin was given our grandpa's ring for his birthday. I am so glad to have been there!

Bathtime mohawk. Meme loves being a grandma.

I have no pictures on my comptuer of J's b-day party, but it was fantastic! Our families and close friends got to come, and it was great. This is later, after a bath (yup, no diaper).

Emma likes J's chair, too.

We have a contract on a house!

Cloistered Homeschool Syndrome

2008-09-05T14:55:00.000-05:00

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=86&tx_ttnews%5btt_news%5d=482

2008-09-05T14:42:00.000-05:00

"...I think that many Christian marriages could be enormously more happy if the spouses would put aside the fact that they are married to one another and just treat one another as if they were Christians."

http://jollyblogger.typepad.com/jollyblogger/2008/08/ten-things-i--1.html

More Piktors

2008-08-21T11:49:00.018-05:00

At the end of July, Meme came for a visit!

Grandma Payne bought Emma a couple of dresses - this is one of them! Beautiful!

Mama Bo Peep? (Is it just me, or does Joseph have a I-can't-believe-she's-acting-so-silly-and-immature look on his face?)

Emma in her lovely dress and Daddy in his handsome shirt

Nana and Joseph at Poppie's party

Another truck at the same intersection!

Middle of July, we went to Missouri to celebrate Aaron's Dad's 60th Birthday (yay!). We were in town when we saw this disgusting sight: a Tyson chicken truck. If you can look closer, note the condition of the pens, the appearance of the birds (filthy and lethargic!), and that there are also actually dead birds too! I'm not going to be a hypocrite and say that this is the reason we should never ever buy agribusiness food. I'm just going to say this is motivation for me to buy more chicken from our local co-op.

First bath together and no body parts in the picture! Go Aaron!

Middle of July we experimented with putting on music for bedtime. This was taken 10 minutes after I turned it on.

All she could do is spin around a bit in the pool, but her feet were wet and she loved it!

4th of July festivities in our backyard - nope, there's no diaper

4th of July at the Splashpad in Norman - possibly when Joseph got a parasite. :(

Joseph and "Reena"

Karina and Emma in FTW

Before our visit to FTW in June - Little Jo Peep

And We're 3!!

2008-08-13T21:15:00.002-05:00

Aaron and I are celebrating our anniversary today. We chuckled (and grimaced) at the fact that it hasn't been much of a romantic day. Aside from Aaron surprising me by coming home early with flowers and a sweet card, our day has been rather down-to-earth. Lots of human waste, lots of whining, some vomit, and did I mention lots of human waste? Ahh...oh well. It fits perfectly with the era of life we are in right now. :)

In 3 years we have lived in 3 places, had 2 children, gained many pounds, changed jobs twice, and changed our views on just about everything. Grace sure has abounded, and we're counting on more. :)

I'm 2!!!

2008-08-13T21:13:00.001-05:00

Fotos!

2008-06-24T10:04:00.020-05:00

Time to catch up...

When Tami stayed with us a couple of weeks ago, it poured! She took him on a walk and they played in the rain.

Beginning of June: Emma can sit in a seat! She also started crawling around 6 months old (end of May). She mastered sitting up around the same time.

End of May: Our Grilled Chicken Cobb Salad. The only salad Aaron will eat as a meal.

I can almost crawl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emma in her cute outfit, made especially for her by her Nana. Thanks, Ann!

Beginning of May: It's just strange. I couldn't stop giggling.

A couple of months ago, we paid off our first student loan. Lo and behold, last month WE got a check from THEM. So what if it was $6.49?

End of April: We went to Meme's for my birthday. Look what Papa got for Joseph!

We also went to Sandy Lake Amusement Park. It was so much fun!

There were paddle boats!

Little Bo Peep?

Tired Bo Peep.

There was a bit of anxiety, but he liked it overall. He loved the steering wheel.

Joseph rode the train with Papa.

And the carousel with Meme.

Back from the Future

2008-06-24T09:50:00.002-05:00

Amy from Humble Musings, says this:

"...the main thing is so hard sometimes. You can try to impress Mom with your loving spirit and knock out your little sister while doing it. For my children, the problem is immaturity. For me, losing sight is from exhaustion. We all lose focus. No matter. I know I’m not the only one who is tired and forgetting about important things–people and my relationship with them. In the middle of it, you don’t have the perspective about what’s important that hindsight brings. You make decisions you wouldn’t have if you weren’t so tired. The heat of the moment—which can be a lot of moments strung together sometimes, a fog that won’t lift –is a testing ground, so choose well. Make the choice you would’ve wish you’d chosen if you were looking back. I’m talking about speaking kindly, being slow to anger, and preferring others above yourself.

I’m notorious for saying things I wish I could take back. Have you had an argument and felt really bad the next morning? That’s how I look back on my week and think that I would’ve lived it differently if only I remembered that it was for Jesus and not me. That there is one day—coming in a few years for me particularly, yes, but even more glorious in eternity– that I won’t be tired, and I’ll be glad that I chose the better thing when I had the chance.

'For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.' ~Galatians 6:8-10"

She sums up well my struggles the last 6 months - not to mention sharing the same exhaustion I've felt. It's so hard to keep to the task that God has given you (loving God and loving others), while your other tasks claim all your time and energy. It's hard to keep heart, persevere, think of others, call your friend, be considerdate, not yell at your son for spitting out his food, not throw up your hands in frustration when the baby wakes up after 20 minutes, cook a meal, or get over the fact that you have gotten dressed fewer times this week than you haven't.

I don't think this is a call to push up your sleeves and work harder to be pleasing to God. I do think this is an encouragement to remember my calling to believe in the Good News of Jesus Christ redeeming me from sin, from exhaustion, from a self-filled life. Ahh...so good to know!

If I were writing a note to myself, from the future, to read today - and if I were wiser and stronger in the knowledge of what our Lord has done for us - I would tell myself that believing the Gospel today is the most important thing I could accomplish.

I've Given Up

2008-06-20T13:46:00.002-05:00

I'm not going to pretend any longer. I won't be posting anything new today. Or tomorrow. It's been on my "to do" list for 6 weeks. Let's be realistic. I don't imagine I'll even be thinking much of this blog until some big decisions are made around here.

So, ta-ta for now. I'll be back soon - or something.

Coming soon

2008-05-26T21:33:00.000-05:00

I'll post soon. The magic pot is boring after so long, eh?

The Magic Pot

2008-04-30T15:02:00.003-05:00

For my birthday (today!), my mom bought me some cast iron enamel pots with lids. I was so eager to try them out, that I faced my fear and made some bread. I love a really good, aritsan-style crusty loaf. When I happened upon a recipe for Easy-No-Knead-Crusty-Loaf, I drooled over it. It has to be cooked in a 6-8 quart dutch oven, so my cast iron is perfect.

I struck gold. The loaf is beautiful. I'm taking it to Fort Worth with us tomorrow, and we'll find out how tasty it is. Honestly, I'd be satisfied with just a pretty loaf. Sorry the picture is a bit fuzzy.

Blueberry Scones

2008-04-30T09:02:00.003-05:00

These aren't really healthy (unless you count the fresh blueberries). But they're delicious. And easy to make. The proof is in the fact that I made them and they turned out! I was so excited I took pictures.

Blueberry Scones
Mix:
2 c. All-Purpose Flour
1/4 c. Brown Sugar
1 T Baking Powder
1/4 tsp. salt
Cut in and mix:
1/4 c. chilled butter
Mix and add:
3/4 c. half-n-half (or fresh, raw milk)
1 egg
Fold in:
1 c fresh blueberries (I used frozen that were partially thawed)

After adding blueberries, dough should be a sticky ball. Flour a surface and gently knead a few times. Press into a rectangle about 3/4" thick. Cut into squares, then triangles. Bake on ungreased baking sheet 20-30 minutes at 350 degrees (until edges are just browning). Cool on rack. Absolutely must be served with butter and fresh milk for optimal eating pleasure. :)

Happy Happy Joy Joy

2008-04-30T08:54:00.007-05:00

Chad took this picture for us on Sunday.

Last week, Emma fell asleep on her back. J was right about this age, too, the first time he fell asleep on his back. She hasn't done it since.

Melts. My. Heart.

See her cute little shoes?

This was taken on Monday morning. I thought it was "picture perfect". A minute later I left the room to ge a CD, when a shrieking sort of scream erupted out of Emma, and she began crying hysterically. I ran into the living room to find Joseph running out - with a pair of scissors. Fortunately, he didn't get her eye, but he left a scratch on her forehead. How did he leave the place he was sitting, go over to the desk, crawl on the chair, get the scissors, get down, go to Emma and scratch her face - all in 30 seconds? It must be some sort of toddler super power. Needless to say, I won't be leaving them alone again.

Strange as Fiction

2008-04-23T20:53:00.012-05:00

Last Saturday was spent outside, working on cleaning up the yard and tending to my baby plants (the few I have). Joseph enjoyed the pillows of clover growing in the back. Sadly, he also got his first sunburn. He started out the day fully clothed; by 5:00 pm he was in nothing but his skin and covered in mud. (You know how it goes - he's a boy.) Anyhow, 3 days later and he's finally no longer saying "Ow!" when something touches his shoulder. Poor guy!

And then came Monday...Apparently, Emma laughs in the face of Mondays. Literally. Actually, she looks like this all the time. She is my little, delightful girl who always has a smile ready for Mama.

It did turn into a wonderful Monday, though. In fact, it was almost a piece of fiction how beautifully the day went. It began with Emma's sweet smile and Joseph's compliant spirit. They both became groggy mid-morning, and this is what happened:

Yup. MY children. Asleep. Together. In the same room. The living room. With ME going about my chores. If you know my children, they do not sleep "wherever", and especially not "whenever". But here they are. More of this would be super.

While they were sleeping, I whipped up some blueberry scones and beer bread. I managed to clean up the kitchen, and was just placing the warm scones on a platter as they woke up. Storybook stuff, I tell you.

Emma was put on her mat to practice a thing called "playing by myself" - which she did wonderfully. So well, in fact, that she rolled right over - from her back to her front - for the first time! And I didn't see it! (Another quirky trait my children have: accomplishing developmental milestones surreptiously.) I snapped a picture just after I found her on her tummy.

At the end of this glorious Monday, Aaron and I stood outside and watched God create a stunning moonlit sky - complete with wispy clouds floating by and the occasional bright star popping out to say hello. It was a good day.

The Boy is in the Bed

2008-04-20T20:33:00.005-05:00

Edited Wednesday, April 23: My efforts were derailed in less than 1 hour. Joseph woke up whining and crying because of his sunburn. So, the plan was aborted. We'll see what happens next time he asks to sleep in the bed...

Joseph has been napping in his bed (the bottom bunk) for the last week or two. Tonight, as we walked into his room to go to sleep, he climbed into the bed! I said, "Do you want to sleep in your bed tonight?" Clambering on, he said "Yyyesss!". So, we tucked him in with Bear and Puppy, and to sleep he went. Sweet.

I wonder how the rest of the night will go. It's funny being a parent. There's a lot of simply watching to see how things play out. Some things you can control, but most you don't. More than just a new experience, it's like a live-action show. Or something.

Anyway, before I get too excited, perhaps I should wait and celebrate in the morning? More later.

Coming soon: More pics and thoughts on "just as I am"

Hitting the Wall

2008-04-18T09:39:00.003-05:00

Rod Dreher, the "Crunchy Con", talks about hitting the wall (perhaps literally and figuratively?).

I don't know very many people who wouldn't "amen" this article. Aaron and I would. We want to make changes now so that we don't have to deal with a family in poor health and unhappy hearts. We're praying about how to fashion our life so that we have time to live and truly enjoy it. That would mean very practical things, among them are: changing careers (in a way-outside-the-box sort of way), becoming debt-free and financially secure, eliminating clutter in our home, carefully choosing outside activities, having more people in our home, disciplining ourselves to work hard and enjoy the fruit of our labors. Who knows what else? We're only 25. We only know what we want the end to look like - how to get there? Hmm...

Ideas from wisdom and hindsight are always welcome here.

Little and Littlest

2008-04-18T09:29:00.002-05:00

Joseph is a thumb-sucker. That little thumb is in his mouth a good portion of the day. (He's still a talker, at least.) From birth, it was obvious he was going to be a self-soother, and, at 6 weeks old, he became an official thumb-sucker. That was his beginning. It's nice, because Joseph will probably never be too dependent on anyone. In fact, he's displaying quite a bit of independence in lots of ways lately. Yes, he struggles with letting us help him, with us taking things away from him, and with us telling him to stop doing something. Yet, he's also a great explorer, unafraid (mostly) to go off on his own and discover God's world. That's great.

Emma is not a thumb-sucker. And she is not a self-soother. This also was clearly evident from birth. Within hours of being born, this tiny little girl nursed three hours straight. She loves to nurse. She loves to be held, to have her emotional needs met by soft, safe, comforting people like Mama and Daddy. It's nice, because Emma will probably never be too independent. She's happy to acknowledge her need for people. Yes, she struggles with playing by herself, with calming herself down when unhappy, and with going with the flow. Yet, she's also wonderfully affectionate and delighted to fellowship with us. That's great.

Of Yoghurt and Reflections

2008-04-16T11:01:00.004-05:00

Abdicating Grandmothers

2008-04-16T10:55:00.002-05:00

I suspect this woman will end up dying sad, lonely and bitter. I wish I could say I will feel sorry for her, but it would be difficult. I hope that pity and compassion would intervene.

And, as Cindy from Dominion Family asks, will she be surprised when her children put her in a nursing home and forget about her? I am so grateful that the grandmothers in my life (my own and my children's) love their children, and their children's children.

Happy Emmaline

2008-04-09T12:15:00.004-05:00

She's come a long way, eh?

When's the last time you had fun like this?

2008-04-07T14:25:00.006-05:00

Lady Moon

2008-03-29T09:50:00.002-05:00

In honor of my wonderful, little boy, here's a poem he'll be memorzing as soon as he is able. He loves Lady Moon, and asks for her each night.

O Lady Moon, your horns point toward the east;
Shine, be increased:
O Lady Moon, your horns point toward the west;
Wane, be at rest.

by Christina Rosetti, as a help in knowing whether the moon is waxing or waning

(Thanks, Kelly!)

Two Stories

2008-03-29T09:28:00.004-05:00

Sadly, these are not parables. Sorry, Kelly. :)

This past Wednesday, it was beautiful outside. Spring had arrived! Joseph, Emma and I were playing in the front yard, enjoying the weather before Aaron came home from work. A robin landed in our front yard and I pointed to it and said, "Do you see the bird, Joseph?". Of course, this was confusing for the poor boy, who knew that birds were mobile creatures only found in the sky.

I pointed again, and this time he saw her. He looked at me, and I told him to go get the bird. And, with a huge grin, he took off. The bird hopped away a few feet. Joseph stopped, looked at me, and then followed the bird. Robin hopped again. Joseph laughed and chased her. This went on another couple of times. It was really amusing to watch.

Finally, Robin was beginning to feel too threatened and, as Joseph was in pursuit, she flew up into the tree across the street. Joseph had seen a miracle of God.

This bird flew.

She went from the ground to the sky to the tall tree. His jaw dropped and he turned on his heels to gasp at me with a wide-open, awe-struck smile. He pointed excitedly and screamed "BIRD!!". He couldn't believe it! I'm sure he was thinking that flying is the bestest and most amazing thing in the whole world.

I remember thinking the same thing. Funny that I ever stopped...

And then yesterday, my dear, sweet, perceptive child was playing in the living room while I was being productive (cough, cough) on the computer. Since I had my back to him, I turned around to check on him.

I saw the cutest scene: my son, sitting in a chair with his little, pudgy legs dangling in front of him, reading a book on his lap. I grabbed the camera. But sneaking was important, because I knew that if he saw or heard the shiny, electronic gadget, he'd want to get down to come investigate. Thankfully, it was already on the desk where I was sitting; but I still had to open it. And we all know that as a camera lens comes out it make that great sound. So, I discreetly coughed to cover up the noise. I glanced over my shoulder and he was still reading, so I began getting the camera ready, when I heard:

"Chiiiis! Chiiiis!"

The boy had heard. More than that, he knew I was about to take a picture. And more than that, he knew to say "cheese!". Who taught him to say "cheese"?

PPML

2008-03-26T16:42:00.002-05:00

Post Partum Memory Loss. I have no idea if that's real, but I have a severe case of mommy brain. So, while I'm wondering at all the ways Joseph is changing, I'll write it down:

He runs and runs. He scrunches his shoulders up to his ears; pulls his elbows up to his sides and takes off! He looks at you, waiting for you to cheer him on with "Go, Joseph, go!"
He puts coins in his pockets.
He is beginning to respect the "no" items in the house.
He is getting three teeth at once.
He can speak in phrases and almost in sentences.
He loves cars and tells them to "Go, car, go!"
His favorite books right now are "There's a Wocket in My Pocket" and "The B Book"
He can eat by himself, but Mama doesn't exactly like letting him because of the mess. But porrige is NOT an option.
He loves milk almost as much as Tami.
Instead of calling bananas "Nana" like he used to, they are now "Ban". Meme pointed out that once he puts them together, he's set.
He has fat feet.
He is beginning to like the game: Take something out, put it back in.
Since their visit 3 weeks ago, he misses his Meme and Papa and asks for them a couple times a day.
Mama talks to Meme so much that whenever the phone rings, or whenever Mama calls someone, he says "Hi Meme!".
Lately, since he rediscovered the electronic drum toy, he'll take it into the closet, shut the door halfway and play with it, enjoying the way it lights up.
"May-milk" means "May I have some more milk, please, dearest mother?"

Speaking of the little darling, he's just woken up from his nap and deserves some play outside. So that's what we're going to do. :)

Baby Steps

2008-03-26T15:42:00.003-05:00

This past Monday, Aaron and I sent a check to one of our student loans. Do you know what was written in the memo? "Pain in Full". Halleluia! We are no longer a slave to AES. It's a great feeling. We have worked hard, worked on being self-disciplined (emphasis on "worked"), scrimped and saved, and denied ourselves some luxuries. We have prayed that God would make us faithful stewards of the money He has given us, and we are so encouraged to see Him be faithful!

Paying off the first of our three loans was not a one-time event. Unfortunately for me, it wasn't about a David and Goliath moment of saying "NO!" to debt. It's been a daily process full of the tiniest baby steps.

The first step was to ask ourselves what was most important. The second was to make our spending consistent with that.: Can we spend $10 less on dry cleaning by freshening things? Can we stretch our food budget by shopping wisely? Can we do without eating out as much? Can we wear our clothes longer?

The third step was to actually implement our decisions from step two: Don't go out for lunch even though it's late and you're tired and just want fast food. Go ahead and cook dinner, even though you forgot all about that meal. Wait just one more month before you buy that thing, so that you'll have plenty of money for other things.

The fourth step is the hardest: finding the balance between sacrificing for later and enjoying your life now. It's impossible for anyone else to answer that question. It's difficult enough to answer it for yourself. What we find ourselves struggling with are questions like: Are we being generous enough? Are we being stingy with each other or our children? Are we greedy? Are we dependent on money for happiness? Do we think that being debt-free will give us peace?

I'm sorry if this sounds like a didactic post - it's not meant to be. I'm hoping to share how wonderful and great and exciting and liberating and happy you feel when a debt you owe has been paid. (Remember the year of Jubilee, when all the slaves were freed? It's a taste of that.)

Older, wiser people have warned us against "sprinting" for our financial goals. We need to look at it as a marathon. We should have built-in indulgences, luxuries and rewards. So, for our very first Debt-Free Victory, Aaron and I are celebrating by spending some of our coveted "extra debt money" (which usually goes toward our loans) to buy a few new things for our family. It's a strange thing, but it's nice. God is good to give us these things that we don't deserve. If anything, I need to remember to repent of believing I deserve anything.

Spring Means Change

2008-03-21T15:27:00.009-05:00

This time last year - around the first day of Spring - we were going through so many changes in our family: Karina had just arrived to live with us; our chickens (bless them) had been with us just a short time; my little garden was growing; my little boy was just starting to crawl; and we'd just received news that a new baby was growing in my womb. Now, that is spring.

I don't have much of that this year; my life is not bursting with newness. On the contrary, we're experiencing a sort of groaning as we slowly settle into a new life. Maybe it's a different kind of spring.

Don't think that we're unhappy this time around. There is a time for change; but then there's a time for stillness. Our family is ready for some stillness. So this Spring, we hope to be still and watch the world around us change.

He really did smile. I'm just a terrible photographer.

Big Brother.

Little Sister.

16 Weeks.

Sunday dress.

Joseph's First Sentence!

2008-02-29T17:47:00.001-06:00

"It's the baby!" Ahhhh....Soooo cute!

My Little Boy

2008-02-29T15:01:00.003-06:00

This is the updated haircut. A #4 all around. :)

And look at him, just around the time he was 3 months old (Emma's age).